The Lost Moments
by NaraTemariS2
Summary: Missing and some modified scenes from the Marvel films. Basically one of my takes on how Marvel could have easily have made this romance cannon! Some basic changes here and there, and exploring what some looks and touches meant. As well as adding some behind the scenes scenes. Just a shipper writing about something she really wished could be )
1. Marvel's Avengers

**Hiii! Sorry! It took longer to post this than I thought it would! Really sorry, buuut here it is! Hope you guys enjoy it, and , if you do, leave a comment? =)**

 **Winter Soldier:**

Maria slowly made her way towards the operation room, each step heavier than the last. Lips and hands shaking. With a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and closed her hands into fists, the phone on her left creaking in protest. She approached Natasha and Steve, whose eyes were both focused on the man at the table on the other side of the glass – just as her own found the same focus.

Her mind ran through everything Fury had ever done for her. Everything he'd taught her, everything he'd passed on… everything they'd been through. Yet, after so many ways he had protected her, here she was. Hands on the wall, just looking at the man who was like a father to her, fighting for his life.

Nothing she could _do_.

She knew, of course, what the end game here was. She knew he'd pull through – probably. Maria knew very well that her boss was about to pretend to die so that they could know who was actually on their side. It brought little comfort while being a witness to the scene in front of her. Especially knowing that the person right by her side had absolutely no idea everything was going to (hopefully) be fine.

And she couldn't say a word.

She felt, more than saw, Natasha shuffling on her feet beside her.

"Ballistics?" Her voice was broken when she asked Maria that, and she wished she could give her a better answer. She wished she could offer any kind comfort instead of the words she knew she needed to say. But they were not alone and Maria was not that strong, so she kept her eyes on Nick.

"Three slugs. No rifling. Completely untraceable."

"Soviet-made." Was the immediate response.

That made Maria turn, apprehension on her face as she looked at Natasha.

"Yeah." She breathed.

The loud beeping in the room made her attention turn back towards Nick before she could ask anything. She pulled her hands closer to her again, only now realizing how they'd been itching towards Natasha across the wall.

The doctors started shouting inside the room, voice more urgent with every passing second, and Maria's grip on the wall grew tighter. This was horrible to watch. Once everything was better, she'd make him pay for putting her through this. For putting all of them through this.

"Don't do this to me, Nick." Natasha's voice whispered beside her, and Maria tensed to hold back the urge to reach out for her.

At the first use of the defibrillator and no pulse, Maria blinked and swallowed, trying to stop the prickling sensation behind her eyes. She started to look around, but seeing Natasha's ashen reflection on the glass made the wish to cry even stronger, so she looked back at Nick.

"Don't do this to me Nick. Don't do this to me." Nat whispered again, and Maria started to lose her battle. Hearing the woman she'd come to love so much in such state, holding the knowledge to appease her and not being able to do _anything_ , was pure torture.

Silence reigned in the room as the doctors kept looking and waiting. Maria bit her lip as she felt a tear finally escape her grasp. She felt more than saw Steve turning.

"What's the time?"

"1:03, doctor."

Maria closed her eyes, battling the nausea she felt coming up. She looked down to take a quick breath. Grabbing her phone, she turned around and left, not daring to look back. She couldn't look at her. Not now. If she did, she'd hug her. She'd hug her and tell her everything. She was deeply compromised, and she needed to step away from the situation. Also, she reasoned with herself, Natasha would not appreciate any comfort here, in front of so many people. She kept telling herself that as she walked away to commence the second part of this fucked up plan.

She wasn't really convinced.

xxxx

"I need to take him." She said, trying to control her voice, holding back a flinch as Steve looked accusingly from her to Natasha and back again.

She pinched herself trying to focus, to control her emotions. He didn't understand. She couldn't go to her. If she did, if she so much as touched the other woman she'd break. She'd tell her everything right then and there. And she couldn't. _Fuck you, Nick_. She cursed mentally glaring stubbornly at the man lying down, disregarding the captain completely.

Fuck. She wanted to be the one comforting Natasha. Hell, she wanted to be able to tell her there was no need to mourn at all. But no. She had a job to do. She needed to move and couldn't even pause one fucking second to offer one single hug of comfort to the woman she loved.

"Natasha." Steve said in a low voice, and Maria crossed her arms. Looking away from the scene when Nat touched Nick's head.

At the sound of boots moving, she couldn't help glancing towards the redhead as she passed by her. For one brief second, their eyes met. It was all it took for Maria to see a world of fire and hurt in those green eyes, as a tear rolled down her own cheek. The weight of this secret weighing down on her heart already. Heavily.

She took a shaky breath and looked back to Nick. She had a job to do. Her relationship could, _had_ , to wait.

xxxx

Her fingers were itching to act. She had to wait though. Why? She had no idea. Something about 'keeping appearances". But she was mad. Natasha was bleeding and she had to fucking wait.

"We need a doctor here."

New guy was right. Screw patience.

With quick and very satisfying punch and kick combination, Maria took down the guard right next to her. Even more satisfying? Seeing the utter confused and surprised faces of the three people in front of her.

"That thing was squeezing my brain." She said as she took off the damned helmet. Stupid thing was really tight. Maria let her lips form a small smile as she looked at the others, pausing on the newbie.

"Who's this guy?" She asked and could have sworn she saw Nat's lips twitch up – the small movement taking a huge weight off her chest. Knowing what she'd soon be showing the other woman made it even easier to joke. She pulled out a cloth to wrap around her shoulder.

"Here, this should help for now." She said, not waiting for them to answer who the other guy was, eyes never leaving Nat. She reached to take the cloth before the other two could, brushing their fingers together, and Maria breathed even easier at the contact.

"Thank you, Maria." Hearing her say her name made Maria smile softly. Clearing her throat after a few seconds she turned back to the two men, finally ready to hear what had happened until then. Steve looked at the two of them with a gentle smile tugging at his lips. Then for a second his eyes widened, but before Maria could ask him about anything, he started explaining all that had been going on and Maria was distracted.

Once she knew they were nearing the proper street, she pulled out the toys Nick had given her and cut a hole on the floor of the car.

"Time to go." She said with a smile, directing the Captain to carry Nat with him. As much as she'd love to do it herself, Steve was way better equipped to do this. Soon enough, they were in a new van and arriving at the covert provisory headquarters.

Watching Steve be the one to help her out of the van and onwards was annoying, but knowing soon they'd have some comforting news was what was important. They might even have some time to talk alone, if Maria was lucky.

"GSW. She's lost at least a pint." She says immediately when the doc comes running their way. As much as she'd like Nat to get medical attention asap, she knew that she needed something else first. The Black Widow could take punches and gun shots, but she should not have to live longer without knowing that her father figure was alive.

"Let me take her."

"She'll want to see him first." Her tone broke no argument as she lead them down several corridors and doors. She had a little smile on her face from the confused looks of the other three.

The smile only grew as she saw the confusion turning into incredulity as she pulled the curtain away.

"About damn time."

xxxx

"Any attempt on the Director's life had to look successful." She said, looking over at Steve and then Natasha. Her smile slowly fell from her face as she saw a turmoil of feelings going through green eyes. Maria swallowed and shifted slightly on her feet, not looking away, even when the other woman did.

She was so not looking forward to that conversation. So focused was she on what she could say to apologize that she basically jumped when her surname sounded forcefully coming from the bed.

"Hill!" Nick was looking at her, and if she didn't know better, the bastard was looking very amused. If he hadn't almost died, she'd hit him.

"Sir." She said, trying very hard to control the heat rising to her cheeks.

"Doc will take Rogers and his friend to get cleaned up, why don't you take Romanov to do the same while I get ready? We'll meet in two hours." He said, and damn it all to hell if that wasn't a bloody smirk on his face. She might just hit him after all. Nick is clearly immortal, what's one more punch?

Clearing up her throat and glaring at him, trying to convey just how much she'd like to hurt him for pressuring her on having a talk that was his fault was happening to start with, she mumbled an agreement before slowly turning to Natasha. Taking a shaky breath, she forced herself to meet slightly amused eyes. That's not too bad.

"Shall we?"

Seeing Nat struggle a bit to get up, Maria took the opportunity to wrap her right arm around the smaller woman's shoulder to 'help' her. As soon as she did, she felt Natasha tense. With batted breath, the second between the contact and the other woman relaxing against her made Maria's heart almost stop. As they walked away, the pressure of her girlfriend against her was both grounding and reassuring.

She took her straight to her quarters (or whatever could pass for quarters in this place). Helping Nat to sit on the bed carefully, Maria reluctantly let go of her waist to fetch some cloths and warm water. At least that's what she had intended to do, before she felt a small fist grasping the back of her top. She froze. Apparently they were doing this sooner rather than later.

"Why?" The question was posed so softly that she almost didn't hear it over the sound of her own loud heartbeat.

This was it. Her chance to explain how the fuck had she let Nick convince her lie to the woman she loved.

"Nick…Nick convinced me that me telling you would be a bad idea. That because of the mission you've been helping Cap with, you'd gotten close. That he'd find out. Him finding out, well… he's no spy, Nat…"

The pressure on her back vanished, and Maria felt a cold shiver down her spine.

"I see."

Maria closed her eyes, but didn't dare look back at her.

"I'm…" She took a deep breath. "Saying sorry doesn't feel like enough, but I am. I'm so sorry, Tasha." Maria started in a quiet voice. "It took everything I had not to wrap you in my arms as you watched him and tell you everything. Fuck, it broke me to not even be able to touch your shoulder, your arm, your hand, anything to give you even the slightest bit of comfort." Maria opened her eyes as she spoke, moving around to find what she needed to help clean up her girlfriend.

"I never hated keeping our secret as much as I did on that day." Maria said as she watched the warm water fill the bowl. Giving a mirthless chuckle, she continued. "Maybe it was for the best though… I never really could hide anything from you. I'm sure I'd have told you everything the minute I had you in my arms… I'd have done anything to be able to take your pain away."

Crossing the distance between sink and bed once more, Maria knelt in front of the smaller woman, placing the bowl on the floor and dipping the cloth in it.

"And yet hide you did."

Maria closed her eyes and took a deep breath before meeting the other woman's gaze. Their eyes locked for interminable moments before she broke the silence.

"Did I?" She asked softly, as she squeezed the excess of water from the cloth and carefully brought it over to start cleaning the blood from fair skin with as much delicacy as she could.

Natasha didn't look away from her face, seemingly to consider what she said.

"Zero contact?" She eventually asked, when Maria had moved to clean her neck next.

"If I'd called you… I'd have asked how you were. If you'd said anything about Nick, I'd have..." Maria trailed off, washing the cloth on the bowl before bringing it back up to start on Nat's face.

"Told me everything?" The redhead asked, a small smile pulling up at the corner of her lips.

Maria cupped her cheek with her free hand, looking straight into her eyes.

"I told you before. I'm compromised when it comes to you. Sure, I can make plans with your name on them, but I couldn't be your handler anymore. I can devise lies and sell them for the whole company and the rest of the world, Nat… but I cannot lie to you. I… I really can't keep anything from you, Nat. Nor do I want to." She said, cleaning the last bit of dirt. "There. Beautiful as always." She quipped, biting her lower lip to keep a smile from showing.

Natasha gave small chuckle, rolling her eyes for show.

A slightly tense silence filled the room after Maria put the cloth back into the bowl and left it there. One hand still on Nat's cheek, the other on her lap.

"Are you mad?" Maria finally asked after a few minutes of just staring at each other.

Natasha took a deep breath before leaning down on the bed on her good shoulder.

"No…" She said slowly, right hand reaching for the one that had fallen down from her lap when she moved, and Maria felt like she could breathe again. "Maybe I should be, but… You knew I'd find out soon enough. This mission was important, we needed to know who to trust, Nick's right. Don't tell him that." The last part came out quickly, making both of them smile tiredly. "Besides," She started, pulling Maria up on the bed to lie in front of her "I'd have probably done the same thing."

"Yeah?" Maria asked her, tone hopeful.

"Yeah." Nat said, giving her a small smile that made Maria's shoulders finally start to relax. Like the weight of the world had just come off her back.

A couple of seconds passed and Maria remembered something that made her frown slightly.

"Nat? Why did Steve looked scared at me at the van at one point and couldn't meet my eyes afterwards?" Maria asked, cocking her head. As a small sheepish look overcame Nat's face however, she narrowed her eyes. "Nat?"

"I… may have kissed him once." She said biting her lower lip.

Maria froze.

"You what?"

"Public displays of affection leave people uncomfortable. We were at a mall and it was the easiest way to not be caught." Natasha explained really quickly and Maria was pretty sure she'd never seen Natasha look so… scared? Uncomfortable? Desperate? All at once like this.

…Life threatening situations by aliens aside of course.

"That doesn't really sound like an apology Nat." Maria said, careful to keep her voice devoid of any emotion and her eyes blank. She wasn't mad. Not really. She knew Natasha would never actually cheat on her. She was a spy and sometimes kisses happened. Maria didn't like it. At all. And she knew Natasha didn't either and tried to avoid it as much as she could since they'd gotten together. And Steve Rogers was… well, he was Captain America. She knew she had nothing to worry about there either. That didn't mean she had to let her girlfriend off the hook just yet.

"I'm sorry." Came the immediate reply and Maria couldn't stop her eyes from widening a little at how quick that came, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I really am, Masha. I was a bit unsettled, we were in an escalator in the middle of the mall and…" Nat met her eyes guiltily before looking away again.

"And?" She prompted her to continue.

"I was hurt… that you hadn't contacted me yet. I thought that if you'd been watching that…"

"That seeing that might make me call you?" Maria completed her phrase when Natasha trailed off again.

"Yeah." She mumbled. "Sorry."

The smile at her lips turned soft. Using her index finger, Maria tilted Natasha's head up a little so their eyes met once more.

"And it's Steve. I mean. Steve. I'd never cheat on you with anyone, let alone with Steve. He's too…" Natasha trailed off yet again, trying to search for the correct word. Maria chuckled at that.

"Too Steve?" She asked.

"Yeah." Natasha answered, maintaining eye contact, but looking a bit shy.

"It's fine, Nat. I'm not mad." Maria finally said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She said, tone brooking no hesitation and she felt more than saw Natasha's shoulders sag in relief. "I mean, " She continued with a smile. "It's Steve."

They shared a small laugh at that, foreheads touching slightly, trading a few soft kisses.

Silence settled around them once more -a more pleasant one this time. After a while though, Maria couldn't help wanting to apologize again. Kissing an almost brother? No worries. Lying about her girlfriend's father figure being alive and not contacting her at all after? Not exactly exemplar behavior. Even if she had had valid reasons.

"I'm really sorry, Nat." She started, just to be interrupted by a finger on her lips.

"I know." Nat said, moving her hand to cup her cheek. "Don't be. It's our job. We know how it goes and what's at stake. "We've been down this road of juggling relationship and work for two years now. I think it says something good about us that we can still make the right call." Red hair tickled Maria's forehead slightly as the other woman shuffled closer to her.

"Even if it hurts like hell?" Maria asks frowning.

Natasha smirked, bringing her face even closer.

"Especially if it hurts like hell." She said, using her hand to bring her in for another kiss. Longer this time. Deeper.

"Two years, huh?" Maria said after a while, a content smile playing on her lips.

"I know… I've never thought…" Nat trailed off, her green eyes looking intently into Maria's.

"Yeah, me neither." She whispered back.

Natasha brought her index finger up to caress Maria's face and she closed her eyes at the soft touch. She had really missed her. This. Their quiet moments. She knew it wouldn't last, but she'd take all she could get for now.

"Masha?" Nat's voice sounded intense and timid, making Maria open her eyes at once.

"Yes?"

"You think we would be ready for the next step?" Natasha asked eyes not quiet meeting hers anymore and Maria felt her own widening.

Wait.

What?

xxxx

"We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We're taking down SHIELD."

"SHIELD had nothing to do with this!"

"You gave me this mission. This is how it ends."

"SHIELD, HYDRA, it all goes."

"He's right." Maria spoke up after a deep breath, eyes focusing on Nick.

He looked at her and she was sure he felt betrayed. But enough was enough. The SHIELD they had constructed, that they had done so much to achieve and command was gone. They'd lost it. This was the right thing to do.

Natasha reclined as Nick turned to her instead. Maria knew she would follow the Captain on this. Things had gotten too messy now, too many loopholes, too many loose ends. Far too many secrets and betrayals. This was not what they had gotten in SHIELD for. This was not them.

"Well," Nick started, looking back at Maria after hearing Sam. She maintained eye contact, willing him to understand why. "It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain." He said, and if she didn't know better, she could have sworn he was pouting. Or as close to pouting as Nick Fury ever came to.

A small smirk graced her lips as the Captain and his friend made their way out. Looking over at Natasha, she saw a mirror of her expression. In unison, they turned to Nick.

"You're still Director to me if it helps." Maria said, allowing her amusement to show more freely now that it was just the three of them.

"Always Director to me too, sir." Natasha followed up, biting her lower lip in a way that Maria knew it was to contain a laughter.

Nick looked from one to the other, his only visible eye narrowing and the 'non-pout' looking even more pronounced.

"Go fuck yourselves." He said before immediately bringing a hand to his across his face in consternation.

Nat let out a full blown laugh at that and Maria couldn't help chuckling as well.

"You hear that, Nat? On the director's orders no less!" She said as she got up.

"Yep! I don't have a bunk, so yours? Or a closet."

"Your shoulder is still bad, better to use the bed this time."

"Fair enough." Nat said, getting up and wrapping her good arm around Maria's waist as her own went over Natasha's shoulders – being careful not to touch her wound.

"We'll see you later for the debrief, Nick! Thanks for the support." Maria chipped humorously, throwing a wink to him as they began to walk away.

"I hate you both." He deadpanned.

"No you don't." Natasha sing-sang as they walked away.

Just before the door closed behind them, she heard the mumbled "No, I don't", and her smirk softened.

 _Love you too, boss._

xxxx

"Nat, if you do this…" Maria started in a low voice as they waited for the others.

"I know." She answered, voice clipped.

Maria reached a hand to wrap around one of Natasha's.

"You ready for it?"

"No." Came the reply with no hesitation. Maria squeezed her hand harder. "I'm gonna do it anyway."

"I know." Maria said, voice soft. Natasha tore her gaze from the wall and met Maria's. Eyes clear and full of intent.

"I still want it, Maria."

Maria raised an eyebrow at that.

"Still not a proposal… yet."

They smiled at each other.

"You know what you gotta do then."

"Survive?"

"Yes."

"Is that an order?" Natasha asked, a smirk on her face as she squared her shoulders.

"It is, agent." Maria voice came out firm, belying the erratic beating of her heart. The outcome of the last time they'd had this conversation giving her strength.

"Aye aye, commander."

xxxx

"Come on, Cap. Come on." Maria was getting desperate watching the countdown.

5

4

3

2

"Steve!" She shouted on her com.

"Charlie locked."

It was like time froze a second after he said it. No shots. Natasha was alive. She was alive.

Fuck, that was close.

"Okay Cap, get out of there." She requested as she prepared for the guns to fire at each other.

"Do it now."

"But Steve…" Maria started. No. She couldn't.

"Do it now, Maria. Natasha. Fury. They're counting on us. Every person in this world is counting on us. Do it, Maria." His breathy voice come over the com and Maria cursed. Hard.

"Aye Captain." Maria gave the command and licked her lips. "Steve… Nat's gonna need someone to walk her down the aisle." She said on an impulse.

"…what?"

A pained smirk made its way to her lips.

"You need to get out of there. Alive."

Silence met her for a few seconds.

"I will."

xxxx

 _"Natasha come on! Hill is gonna kill me if I let you die on my watch."_

Maria froze at those words, having just tapped into Nick's com.

"Nick?!" She called out desperately.

" _Fuck._ " She heard him mutter under his breath.

A pause.

"Nick, status!"

Another beat.

"Answer me, Nick! Goddamn it!" Maria shouted.

" _What size is your ring finger?"_ Came a tired and pained voice. Tired, pained, but very much alive. The breath that Maria had been holding came out in the form of a gasp as she supported herself against the nearest wall.

"God damn it, Romanov." She huffed as she picked up the pace, running again. "You can measure it yourself once we're far away from here."

"Love you too, babe."

"Go pick up Falcon, he's on one of the upper floors."

xxxx

"Hill, where's Steve? You got a location on Rogers?" Maria flinched at the question.

 _Sorry babe, I pushed the button that shot the floating thing he was and now he might have died. Nice pre-engagement gift?_

"I'm sorry Nat." She said instead, finally arriving at the front doors of the building.

"…where is he, Maria?" Her voice was shaky and Maria fought back tears.

"He was in the hellicarrier that hit the main tower."

Silence was her answer, and she cursed at not being able to offer her comfort. Again.

Maria looked around, searching for them, making a very conscious effort to avoid looking at the very place she knew Steve to be. That she hoped he either still was, alive or that he'd gotten the hell out of somehow. He had to be alive.

"He's gonna be alright. Nat. He's gonna be alright." She said as she saw the helicopter near her position. "I told him he's got an appointment. That we'd kill him if he missed it." She met Natasha's eyes, as desperate as she knew her own were, trying to provide reassurance as she started walking. "He's Cap. He'd never disappoint us."

xxxx

"'You'll know where to find me.' Really, Nat?" Maria asked as Natasha entered the passenger's side of the car.

Natasha smirked as she rolled her head to the side to meet her gaze.

"If you'd seen their faces as I said it, you'd not be mocking me."

"Mocking you? I'd never." Maria smiled, as she drove away from Capitol Hill.

After a few beats of comfortable silence, Natasha spoke again.

"I'll need a new cover." She said slowly. Maria frowned –she knew that. "Which means… I could probably use a new surname."

Maria's hands tightened their grip at the wheel.

"Do you have any recommendations?" Nat asked, biting her lower lip.

Maria drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, licking her lips.

"I might know one that you could use. Permanently if you want." She let out, trying to control her heartbeat.

"Yeah?" Natasha asked and Maria glanced at her quickly as she turned out street to her apartment. "Is it available for the taking soon?"

Maria licked her lips.

"As soon as you ask." She answered.

They were both silent for a little after that, just enjoying the humming of the engine and the scenery around them as Maria drove them home.

"And how was your interview?" Nat asked after a while, voice lighter and Maria let out another breath, not knowing if she was disappointed or not.

A car was probably not the best place for a proposal to happen.

"Oh you know, some lie detectors. A lot of lawyers. Stark being Stark."

"If you tell me he flirted with you, I'm gonna crack his jaw." Her voice was jokingly annoyed, but Maria knew she'd actually love to go through with it. She smiled.

"Not with Pepper right there, he wouldn't." Maria answered and saw Natasha nodding at that, looking amused.

"I like her. Think it might be quite interesting to work with her." Maria said honestly, there was something about Pepper's way of talking and going about things that was quite refreshing. Perhaps it was the lack of secrets. After so long working for SHIELD it was quite a nice change of pace.

"She's nice." Natasha agreed easily, and Maria knew that coming from her that was quite the complement. "The paychecks are even nicer." She added with a smirk.

Maria laughed.

"Something you hinting at, Romanov?" Maria asked amused.

Natasha shrugged before saying in a solemn voice "…'for richer and for poorer'… isn't that how it goes?" She asked, smile stretching over her face.

Maria shook with laughter at that, taking one hand from the wheel to run through her hair and perhaps move Natasha's attention a bit so she'd not notice the blush that'd crept on her cheeks.

"We have not said any vows yet." Maria pointed out.

"You haven't said yes yet." Nat traded back.

"I haven't been properly asked anything." Maria said, eyes focused as she turned on the street to their apartment. Hinted at? Plenty of times since their talk in the bunk. Second time just in this car. But no actual question like Nat said she'd ask yet.

Natasha hummed and got quiet for a bit, Maria risked a glance at her a few times before breaking the silence right as they parked inside the underground garage of their building.

"Nat?"

When their eyes met again, Maria felt a pleasant thrill go down her spine by the intensity of Natasha's gaze.

"I need to change real quick and then run a few errands. Meet me in the terrace at 1900?" She asked and Maria felt breathless.

"Yes." She answered automatically. Natasha smiled. A soft, pleased smile that reached her eyes easily. With deliberate slow movements, Nat reached across the car and grasped Maria's left hand in hers. Using her thumb and index fingers, the former spy felt each one of Maria's, coming to rest on her ring finger. Maria let out a soft gasp at that, eyes not moving away from their joined hands.

"Give me five minutes and I'll be on my way. I'll meet you at the rooftop at 7." She kissed Maria's knuckles and opened the door. "Wear something nice." With a wink, Natasha walked towards the elevator, leaving Maria slumped against the seat of her car. She'd need more than five minutes to come to grips with what just happened. What was gonna happen in a few hours.

She smiled.

She couldn't wait until 7.


	2. The Winter Soldier

**Hiii! Sorry! It took longer to post this than I thought it would! Really sorry, buuut here it is! Hope you guys enjoy it, and , if you do, leave a comment? =)**

 **Winter Soldier:**

Maria slowly made her way towards the operation room, each step heavier than the last. Lips and hands shaking. With a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and closed her hands into fists, the phone on her left creaking in protest. She approached Natasha and Steve, whose eyes were both focused on the man at the table on the other side of the glass – just as her own found the same focus.

Her mind ran through everything Fury had ever done for her. Everything he'd taught her, everything he'd passed on… everything they'd been through. Yet, after so many ways he had protected her, here she was. Hands on the wall, just looking at the man who was like a father to her, fighting for his life.

Nothing she could _do_.

She knew, of course, what the end game here was. She knew he'd pull through – probably. Maria knew very well that her boss was about to pretend to die so that they could know who was actually on their side. It brought little comfort while being a witness to the scene in front of her. Especially knowing that the person right by her side had absolutely no idea everything was going to (hopefully) be fine.

And she couldn't say a word.

She felt, more than saw, Natasha shuffling on her feet beside her.

"Ballistics?" Her voice was broken when she asked Maria that, and she wished she could give her a better answer. She wished she could offer any kind comfort instead of the words she knew she needed to say. But they were not alone and Maria was not that strong, so she kept her eyes on Nick.

"Three slugs. No rifling. Completely untraceable."

"Soviet-made." Was the immediate response.

That made Maria turn, apprehension on her face as she looked at Natasha.

"Yeah." She breathed.

The loud beeping in the room made her attention turn back towards Nick before she could ask anything. She pulled her hands closer to her again, only now realizing how they'd been itching towards Natasha across the wall.

The doctors started shouting inside the room, voice more urgent with every passing second, and Maria's grip on the wall grew tighter. This was horrible to watch. Once everything was better, she'd make him pay for putting her through this. For putting all of them through this.

"Don't do this to me, Nick." Natasha's voice whispered beside her, and Maria tensed to hold back the urge to reach out for her.

At the first use of the defibrillator and no pulse, Maria blinked and swallowed, trying to stop the prickling sensation behind her eyes. She started to look around, but seeing Natasha's ashen reflection on the glass made the wish to cry even stronger, so she looked back at Nick.

"Don't do this to me Nick. Don't do this to me." Nat whispered again, and Maria started to lose her battle. Hearing the woman she'd come to love so much in such state, holding the knowledge to appease her and not being able to do _anything_ , was pure torture.

Silence reigned in the room as the doctors kept looking and waiting. Maria bit her lip as she felt a tear finally escape her grasp. She felt more than saw Steve turning.

"What's the time?"

"1:03, doctor."

Maria closed her eyes, battling the nausea she felt coming up. She looked down to take a quick breath. Grabbing her phone, she turned around and left, not daring to look back. She couldn't look at her. Not now. If she did, she'd hug her. She'd hug her and tell her everything. She was deeply compromised, and she needed to step away from the situation. Also, she reasoned with herself, Natasha would not appreciate any comfort here, in front of so many people. She kept telling herself that as she walked away to commence the second part of this fucked up plan.

She wasn't really convinced.

xxxx

"I need to take him." She said, trying to control her voice, holding back a flinch as Steve looked accusingly from her to Natasha and back again.

She pinched herself trying to focus, to control her emotions. He didn't understand. She couldn't go to her. If she did, if she so much as touched the other woman she'd break. She'd tell her everything right then and there. And she couldn't. _Fuck you, Nick_. She cursed mentally glaring stubbornly at the man lying down, disregarding the captain completely.

Fuck. She wanted to be the one comforting Natasha. Hell, she wanted to be able to tell her there was no need to mourn at all. But no. She had a job to do. She needed to move and couldn't even pause one fucking second to offer one single hug of comfort to the woman she loved.

"Natasha." Steve said in a low voice, and Maria crossed her arms. Looking away from the scene when Nat touched Nick's head.

At the sound of boots moving, she couldn't help glancing towards the redhead as she passed by her. For one brief second, their eyes met. It was all it took for Maria to see a world of fire and hurt in those green eyes, as a tear rolled down her own cheek. The weight of this secret weighing down on her heart already. Heavily.

She took a shaky breath and looked back to Nick. She had a job to do. Her relationship could, _had_ , to wait.

xxxx

Her fingers were itching to act. She had to wait though. Why? She had no idea. Something about 'keeping appearances". But she was mad. Natasha was bleeding and she had to fucking wait.

"We need a doctor here."

New guy was right. Screw patience.

With quick and very satisfying punch and kick combination, Maria took down the guard right next to her. Even more satisfying? Seeing the utter confused and surprised faces of the three people in front of her.

"That thing was squeezing my brain." She said as she took off the damned helmet. Stupid thing was really tight. Maria let her lips form a small smile as she looked at the others, pausing on the newbie.

"Who's this guy?" She asked and could have sworn she saw Nat's lips twitch up – the small movement taking a huge weight off her chest. Knowing what she'd soon be showing the other woman made it even easier to joke. She pulled out a cloth to wrap around her shoulder.

"Here, this should help for now." She said, not waiting for them to answer who the other guy was, eyes never leaving Nat. She reached to take the cloth before the other two could, brushing their fingers together, and Maria breathed even easier at the contact.

"Thank you, Maria." Hearing her say her name made Maria smile softly. Clearing her throat after a few seconds she turned back to the two men, finally ready to hear what had happened until then. Steve looked at the two of them with a gentle smile tugging at his lips. Then for a second his eyes widened, but before Maria could ask him about anything, he started explaining all that had been going on and Maria was distracted.

Once she knew they were nearing the proper street, she pulled out the toys Nick had given her and cut a hole on the floor of the car.

"Time to go." She said with a smile, directing the Captain to carry Nat with him. As much as she'd love to do it herself, Steve was way better equipped to do this. Soon enough, they were in a new van and arriving at the covert provisory headquarters.

Watching Steve be the one to help her out of the van and onwards was annoying, but knowing soon they'd have some comforting news was what was important. They might even have some time to talk alone, if Maria was lucky.

"GSW. She's lost at least a pint." She says immediately when the doc comes running their way. As much as she'd like Nat to get medical attention asap, she knew that she needed something else first. The Black Widow could take punches and gun shots, but she should not have to live longer without knowing that her father figure was alive.

"Let me take her."

"She'll want to see him first." Her tone broke no argument as she lead them down several corridors and doors. She had a little smile on her face from the confused looks of the other three.

The smile only grew as she saw the confusion turning into incredulity as she pulled the curtain away.

"About damn time."

xxxx

"Any attempt on the Director's life had to look successful." She said, looking over at Steve and then Natasha. Her smile slowly fell from her face as she saw a turmoil of feelings going through green eyes. Maria swallowed and shifted slightly on her feet, not looking away, even when the other woman did.

She was so not looking forward to that conversation. So focused was she on what she could say to apologize that she basically jumped when her surname sounded forcefully coming from the bed.

"Hill!" Nick was looking at her, and if she didn't know better, the bastard was looking very amused. If he hadn't almost died, she'd hit him.

"Sir." She said, trying very hard to control the heat rising to her cheeks.

"Doc will take Rogers and his friend to get cleaned up, why don't you take Romanov to do the same while I get ready? We'll meet in two hours." He said, and damn it all to hell if that wasn't a bloody smirk on his face. She might just hit him after all. Nick is clearly immortal, what's one more punch?

Clearing up her throat and glaring at him, trying to convey just how much she'd like to hurt him for pressuring her on having a talk that was his fault was happening to start with, she mumbled an agreement before slowly turning to Natasha. Taking a shaky breath, she forced herself to meet slightly amused eyes. That's not too bad.

"Shall we?"

Seeing Nat struggle a bit to get up, Maria took the opportunity to wrap her right arm around the smaller woman's shoulder to 'help' her. As soon as she did, she felt Natasha tense. With batted breath, the second between the contact and the other woman relaxing against her made Maria's heart almost stop. As they walked away, the pressure of her girlfriend against her was both grounding and reassuring.

She took her straight to her quarters (or whatever could pass for quarters in this place). Helping Nat to sit on the bed carefully, Maria reluctantly let go of her waist to fetch some cloths and warm water. At least that's what she had intended to do, before she felt a small fist grasping the back of her top. She froze. Apparently they were doing this sooner rather than later.

"Why?" The question was posed so softly that she almost didn't hear it over the sound of her own loud heartbeat.

This was it. Her chance to explain how the fuck had she let Nick convince her lie to the woman she loved.

"Nick…Nick convinced me that me telling you would be a bad idea. That because of the mission you've been helping Cap with, you'd gotten close. That he'd find out. Him finding out, well… he's no spy, Nat…"

The pressure on her back vanished, and Maria felt a cold shiver down her spine.

"I see."

Maria closed her eyes, but didn't dare look back at her.

"I'm…" She took a deep breath. "Saying sorry doesn't feel like enough, but I am. I'm so sorry, Tasha." Maria started in a quiet voice. "It took everything I had not to wrap you in my arms as you watched him and tell you everything. Fuck, it broke me to not even be able to touch your shoulder, your arm, your hand, anything to give you even the slightest bit of comfort." Maria opened her eyes as she spoke, moving around to find what she needed to help clean up her girlfriend.

"I never hated keeping our secret as much as I did on that day." Maria said as she watched the warm water fill the bowl. Giving a mirthless chuckle, she continued. "Maybe it was for the best though… I never really could hide anything from you. I'm sure I'd have told you everything the minute I had you in my arms… I'd have done anything to be able to take your pain away."

Crossing the distance between sink and bed once more, Maria knelt in front of the smaller woman, placing the bowl on the floor and dipping the cloth in it.

"And yet hide you did."

Maria closed her eyes and took a deep breath before meeting the other woman's gaze. Their eyes locked for interminable moments before she broke the silence.

"Did I?" She asked softly, as she squeezed the excess of water from the cloth and carefully brought it over to start cleaning the blood from fair skin with as much delicacy as she could.

Natasha didn't look away from her face, seemingly to consider what she said.

"Zero contact?" She eventually asked, when Maria had moved to clean her neck next.

"If I'd called you… I'd have asked how you were. If you'd said anything about Nick, I'd have..." Maria trailed off, washing the cloth on the bowl before bringing it back up to start on Nat's face.

"Told me everything?" The redhead asked, a small smile pulling up at the corner of her lips.

Maria cupped her cheek with her free hand, looking straight into her eyes.

"I told you before. I'm compromised when it comes to you. Sure, I can make plans with your name on them, but I couldn't be your handler anymore. I can devise lies and sell them for the whole company and the rest of the world, Nat… but I cannot lie to you. I… I really can't keep anything from you, Nat. Nor do I want to." She said, cleaning the last bit of dirt. "There. Beautiful as always." She quipped, biting her lower lip to keep a smile from showing.

Natasha gave small chuckle, rolling her eyes for show.

A slightly tense silence filled the room after Maria put the cloth back into the bowl and left it there. One hand still on Nat's cheek, the other on her lap.

"Are you mad?" Maria finally asked after a few minutes of just staring at each other.

Natasha took a deep breath before leaning down on the bed on her good shoulder.

"No…" She said slowly, right hand reaching for the one that had fallen down from her lap when she moved, and Maria felt like she could breathe again. "Maybe I should be, but… You knew I'd find out soon enough. This mission was important, we needed to know who to trust, Nick's right. Don't tell him that." The last part came out quickly, making both of them smile tiredly. "Besides," She started, pulling Maria up on the bed to lie in front of her "I'd have probably done the same thing."

"Yeah?" Maria asked her, tone hopeful.

"Yeah." Nat said, giving her a small smile that made Maria's shoulders finally start to relax. Like the weight of the world had just come off her back.

A couple of seconds passed and Maria remembered something that made her frown slightly.

"Nat? Why did Steve looked scared at me at the van at one point and couldn't meet my eyes afterwards?" Maria asked, cocking her head. As a small sheepish look overcame Nat's face however, she narrowed her eyes. "Nat?"

"I… may have kissed him once." She said biting her lower lip.

Maria froze.

"You what?"

"Public displays of affection leave people uncomfortable. We were at a mall and it was the easiest way to not be caught." Natasha explained really quickly and Maria was pretty sure she'd never seen Natasha look so… scared? Uncomfortable? Desperate? All at once like this.

…Life threatening situations by aliens aside of course.

"That doesn't really sound like an apology Nat." Maria said, careful to keep her voice devoid of any emotion and her eyes blank. She wasn't mad. Not really. She knew Natasha would never actually cheat on her. She was a spy and sometimes kisses happened. Maria didn't like it. At all. And she knew Natasha didn't either and tried to avoid it as much as she could since they'd gotten together. And Steve Rogers was… well, he was Captain America. She knew she had nothing to worry about there either. That didn't mean she had to let her girlfriend off the hook just yet.

"I'm sorry." Came the immediate reply and Maria couldn't stop her eyes from widening a little at how quick that came, a small smile tugging at her lips. "I really am, Masha. I was a bit unsettled, we were in an escalator in the middle of the mall and…" Nat met her eyes guiltily before looking away again.

"And?" She prompted her to continue.

"I was hurt… that you hadn't contacted me yet. I thought that if you'd been watching that…"

"That seeing that might make me call you?" Maria completed her phrase when Natasha trailed off again.

"Yeah." She mumbled. "Sorry."

The smile at her lips turned soft. Using her index finger, Maria tilted Natasha's head up a little so their eyes met once more.

"And it's Steve. I mean. Steve. I'd never cheat on you with anyone, let alone with Steve. He's too…" Natasha trailed off yet again, trying to search for the correct word. Maria chuckled at that.

"Too Steve?" She asked.

"Yeah." Natasha answered, maintaining eye contact, but looking a bit shy.

"It's fine, Nat. I'm not mad." Maria finally said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She said, tone brooking no hesitation and she felt more than saw Natasha's shoulders sag in relief. "I mean, " She continued with a smile. "It's Steve."

They shared a small laugh at that, foreheads touching slightly, trading a few soft kisses.

Silence settled around them once more -a more pleasant one this time. After a while though, Maria couldn't help wanting to apologize again. Kissing an almost brother? No worries. Lying about her girlfriend's father figure being alive and not contacting her at all after? Not exactly exemplar behavior. Even if she had had valid reasons.

"I'm really sorry, Nat." She started, just to be interrupted by a finger on her lips.

"I know." Nat said, moving her hand to cup her cheek. "Don't be. It's our job. We know how it goes and what's at stake. "We've been down this road of juggling relationship and work for two years now. I think it says something good about us that we can still make the right call." Red hair tickled Maria's forehead slightly as the other woman shuffled closer to her.

"Even if it hurts like hell?" Maria asks frowning.

Natasha smirked, bringing her face even closer.

"Especially if it hurts like hell." She said, using her hand to bring her in for another kiss. Longer this time. Deeper.

"Two years, huh?" Maria said after a while, a content smile playing on her lips.

"I know… I've never thought…" Nat trailed off, her green eyes looking intently into Maria's.

"Yeah, me neither." She whispered back.

Natasha brought her index finger up to caress Maria's face and she closed her eyes at the soft touch. She had really missed her. This. Their quiet moments. She knew it wouldn't last, but she'd take all she could get for now.

"Masha?" Nat's voice sounded intense and timid, making Maria open her eyes at once.

"Yes?"

"You think we would be ready for the next step?" Natasha asked eyes not quiet meeting hers anymore and Maria felt her own widening.

Wait.

What?

xxxx

"We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We're taking down SHIELD."

"SHIELD had nothing to do with this!"

"You gave me this mission. This is how it ends."

"SHIELD, HYDRA, it all goes."

"He's right." Maria spoke up after a deep breath, eyes focusing on Nick.

He looked at her and she was sure he felt betrayed. But enough was enough. The SHIELD they had constructed, that they had done so much to achieve and command was gone. They'd lost it. This was the right thing to do.

Natasha reclined as Nick turned to her instead. Maria knew she would follow the Captain on this. Things had gotten too messy now, too many loopholes, too many loose ends. Far too many secrets and betrayals. This was not what they had gotten in SHIELD for. This was not them.

"Well," Nick started, looking back at Maria after hearing Sam. She maintained eye contact, willing him to understand why. "It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain." He said, and if she didn't know better, she could have sworn he was pouting. Or as close to pouting as Nick Fury ever came to.

A small smirk graced her lips as the Captain and his friend made their way out. Looking over at Natasha, she saw a mirror of her expression. In unison, they turned to Nick.

"You're still Director to me if it helps." Maria said, allowing her amusement to show more freely now that it was just the three of them.

"Always Director to me too, sir." Natasha followed up, biting her lower lip in a way that Maria knew it was to contain a laughter.

Nick looked from one to the other, his only visible eye narrowing and the 'non-pout' looking even more pronounced.

"Go fuck yourselves." He said before immediately bringing a hand to his across his face in consternation.

Nat let out a full blown laugh at that and Maria couldn't help chuckling as well.

"You hear that, Nat? On the director's orders no less!" She said as she got up.

"Yep! I don't have a bunk, so yours? Or a closet."

"Your shoulder is still bad, better to use the bed this time."

"Fair enough." Nat said, getting up and wrapping her good arm around Maria's waist as her own went over Natasha's shoulders – being careful not to touch her wound.

"We'll see you later for the debrief, Nick! Thanks for the support." Maria chipped humorously, throwing a wink to him as they began to walk away.

"I hate you both." He deadpanned.

"No you don't." Natasha sing-sang as they walked away.

Just before the door closed behind them, she heard the mumbled "No, I don't", and her smirk softened.

 _Love you too, boss._

xxxx

"Nat, if you do this…" Maria started in a low voice as they waited for the others.

"I know." She answered, voice clipped.

Maria reached a hand to wrap around one of Natasha's.

"You ready for it?"

"No." Came the reply with no hesitation. Maria squeezed her hand harder. "I'm gonna do it anyway."

"I know." Maria said, voice soft. Natasha tore her gaze from the wall and met Maria's. Eyes clear and full of intent.

"I still want it, Maria."

Maria raised an eyebrow at that.

"Still not a proposal… yet."

They smiled at each other.

"You know what you gotta do then."

"Survive?"

"Yes."

"Is that an order?" Natasha asked, a smirk on her face as she squared her shoulders.

"It is, agent." Maria voice came out firm, belying the erratic beating of her heart. The outcome of the last time they'd had this conversation giving her strength.

"Aye aye, commander."

xxxx

"Come on, Cap. Come on." Maria was getting desperate watching the countdown.

5

4

3

2

"Steve!" She shouted on her com.

"Charlie locked."

It was like time froze a second after he said it. No shots. Natasha was alive. She was alive.

Fuck, that was close.

"Okay Cap, get out of there." She requested as she prepared for the guns to fire at each other.

"Do it now."

"But Steve…" Maria started. No. She couldn't.

"Do it now, Maria. Natasha. Fury. They're counting on us. Every person in this world is counting on us. Do it, Maria." His breathy voice come over the com and Maria cursed. Hard.

"Aye Captain." Maria gave the command and licked her lips. "Steve… Nat's gonna need someone to walk her down the aisle." She said on an impulse.

"…what?"

A pained smirk made its way to her lips.

"You need to get out of there. Alive."

Silence met her for a few seconds.

"I will."

xxxx

" _Natasha come on! Hill is gonna kill me if I let you die on my watch."_

Maria froze at those words, having just tapped into Nick's com.

"Nick?!" She called out desperately.

" _Fuck._ " She heard him mutter under his breath.

A pause.

"Nick, status!"

Another beat.

"Answer me, Nick! Goddamn it!" Maria shouted.

" _What size is your ring finger?"_ Came a tired and pained voice. Tired, pained, but very much alive. The breath that Maria had been holding came out in the form of a gasp as she supported herself against the nearest wall.

"God damn it, Romanov." She huffed as she picked up the pace, running again. "You can measure it yourself once we're far away from here."

"Love you too, babe."

"Go pick up Falcon, he's on one of the upper floors."

xxxx

"Hill, where's Steve? You got a location on Rogers?" Maria flinched at the question.

 _Sorry babe, I pushed the button that shot the floating thing he was and now he might have died. Nice pre-engagement gift?_

"I'm sorry Nat." She said instead, finally arriving at the front doors of the building.

"…where is he, Maria?" Her voice was shaky and Maria fought back tears.

"He was in the hellicarrier that hit the main tower."

Silence was her answer, and she cursed at not being able to offer her comfort. Again.

Maria looked around, searching for them, making a very conscious effort to avoid looking at the very place she knew Steve to be. That she hoped he either still was, alive or that he'd gotten the hell out of somehow. He had to be alive.

"He's gonna be alright. Nat. He's gonna be alright." She said as she saw the helicopter near her position. "I told him he's got an appointment. That we'd kill him if he missed it." She met Natasha's eyes, as desperate as she knew her own were, trying to provide reassurance as she started walking. "He's Cap. He'd never disappoint us."

xxxx

"'You'll know where to find me.' Really, Nat?" Maria asked as Natasha entered the passenger's side of the car.

Natasha smirked as she rolled her head to the side to meet her gaze.

"If you'd seen their faces as I said it, you'd not be mocking me."

"Mocking you? I'd never." Maria smiled, as she drove away from Capitol Hill.

After a few beats of comfortable silence, Natasha spoke again.

"I'll need a new cover." She said slowly. Maria frowned –she knew that. "Which means… I could probably use a new surname."

Maria's hands tightened their grip at the wheel.

"Do you have any recommendations?" Nat asked, biting her lower lip.

Maria drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, licking her lips.

"I might know one that you could use. Permanently if you want." She let out, trying to control her heartbeat.

"Yeah?" Natasha asked and Maria glanced at her quickly as she turned out street to her apartment. "Is it available for the taking soon?"

Maria licked her lips.

"As soon as you ask." She answered.

They were both silent for a little after that, just enjoying the humming of the engine and the scenery around them as Maria drove them home.

"And how was your interview?" Nat asked after a while, voice lighter and Maria let out another breath, not knowing if she was disappointed or not.

A car was probably not the best place for a proposal to happen.

"Oh you know, some lie detectors. A lot of lawyers. Stark being Stark."

"If you tell me he flirted with you, I'm gonna crack his jaw." Her voice was jokingly annoyed, but Maria knew she'd actually love to go through with it. She smiled.

"Not with Pepper right there, he wouldn't." Maria answered and saw Natasha nodding at that, looking amused.

"I like her. Think it might be quite interesting to work with her." Maria said honestly, there was something about Pepper's way of talking and going about things that was quite refreshing. Perhaps it was the lack of secrets. After so long working for SHIELD it was quite a nice change of pace.

"She's nice." Natasha agreed easily, and Maria knew that coming from her that was quite the complement. "The paychecks are even nicer." She added with a smirk.

Maria laughed.

"Something you hinting at, Romanov?" Maria asked amused.

Natasha shrugged before saying in a solemn voice "…'for richer and for poorer'… isn't that how it goes?" She asked, smile stretching over her face.

Maria shook with laughter at that, taking one hand from the wheel to run through her hair and perhaps move Natasha's attention a bit so she'd not notice the blush that'd crept on her cheeks.

"We have not said any vows yet." Maria pointed out.

"You haven't said yes yet." Nat traded back.

"I haven't been properly asked anything." Maria said, eyes focused as she turned on the street to their apartment. Hinted at? Plenty of times since their talk in the bunk. Second time just in this car. But no actual question like Nat said she'd ask yet.

Natasha hummed and got quiet for a bit, Maria risked a glance at her a few times before breaking the silence right as they parked inside the underground garage of their building.

"Nat?"

When their eyes met again, Maria felt a pleasant thrill go down her spine by the intensity of Natasha's gaze.

"I need to change real quick and then run a few errands. Meet me in the terrace at 1900?" She asked and Maria felt breathless.

"Yes." She answered automatically. Natasha smiled. A soft, pleased smile that reached her eyes easily. With deliberate slow movements, Nat reached across the car and grasped Maria's left hand in hers. Using her thumb and index fingers, the former spy felt each one of Maria's, coming to rest on her ring finger. Maria let out a soft gasp at that, eyes not moving away from their joined hands.

"Give me five minutes and I'll be on my way. I'll meet you at the rooftop at 7." She kissed Maria's knuckles and opened the door. "Wear something nice." With a wink, Natasha walked towards the elevator, leaving Maria slumped against the seat of her car. She'd need more than five minutes to come to grips with what just happened. What was gonna happen in a few hours.

She smiled.

She couldn't wait until 7.


	3. Age of Ultron

I am SO very sorry for taking this long to update… I had issues ^^''

I'm gonna try to finish Civil War and Avengers Infinity War before Endgame gets released, I promise!

 **Avengers Age of Ultron**

One look. After such a long time together, one look was more than enough to tell Maria she was okay. A slight nod in her direction before she followed Clint and the doctor inside the tower was all that was necessary to allow her wife's shoulders to relax before she went into the jet.

Natasha felt the soft smile on her lips as she continued walking. Despite all that, she knew Maria would be doing a throughout inspection to check for any bruises or scratches later. She couldn't wait.

" _You guys are ridiculous._ " Clint's horrible Russian accent drew her attention back to him, the smile turning into a smirk. He'd learned that phrase just so he could use that any time he felt his friends were being too obvious about their relationship.

She rolled her eyes at him, but didn't say anything. After so many years, she knew that saying anything right now would only give him more ammunition.

The last bit of tension she had over his condition slipped away as Tony and Bruce started to joke around. If they were this relaxed, there was no way Clint was in any danger. Probably.

Looking towards the elevator, her smile grew. Winking at the once again rolling eyes of Hawkeye, Natasha discreetly made her way out of the room.

As soon as she stepped inside the room next to the elevator, the doors behind her closed.

"Jarvis, block the cameras here and then delete the evidence of Agent Romanoff and myself entering, please."

"Already changed the feed the moment Agent Hill started moving towards the room, Mrs. Hill."

Natasha smile grew larger. It was very rare that she heard anyone other than Maria calling her 'Agent Hill'. Clint did it sometimes to make her blush and Cap when he was in a teasing mood, but even then the moments where they were alone to do so were far and few between.

"Thank you, Jarvis." Nat said, meeting Maria halfway to a kiss.

As they broke apart, Natasha rested her forehead against her wife's.

"I'm okay."

Maria hummed, eyes still closed and arms holding her tightly by the waist. Natasha gave her another peck and kept her eyes close as well, just basking in the quiet and sure to be all too short moment of peace and warmth with her wife.

"I think I offended Steve…" Maria broke the silence softly with a half amused, half worried tone.

Natasha didn't open her eyes.

"Did you use any foul language?"

The smaller woman felt her wife's brow furrowing against her own.

"Wha-… did he tell you to watch your language again?"

"Not me!"

Maria soft chuckle by her ear send a pleasant shiver down her spine.

"Stark?"

"Stark."

They shared a quiet laugh.

"So, how did you manage to offend Captain America?"

"I might have said that it was crazy for the twins to have volunteered to be experimented on."

"Well… just because he did it as well does not make it less crazy. I mean… Would you really call any of us normal?" Nat asked her wife, finally pulling back a little to be able to look at the taller woman.

A smirk pulled at Maria's lips.

"Nope. Definitely not."

The two went back to silence after that, enjoying the quiet moment and the fact that they were together again.

"Is Clint gonna be alright?"

"Think so, just waiting for confirmation. Then I'm all yours."

"Oh?"

"Yep, you have about 5 min to get Pepper to allow you to leave early."

"Or what, Agent Hill?" Maria asked

"You won't get to be on top tonight!" Natasha said with the best serious face she could.

The laughter that that earned left Nat feeling quite a bit insulted. It wasn't that rare…

"It's not the first time you've said that, babe." Maria quips with one eyebrow raised.

"I believe it was the 95th time in this building alone, Mrs Hill." Jarvis robotic voice came from the ceiling and Natasha glared at the camera, while Maria just snickered away.

"I mean it this time!" She huffed giving her wife one last kiss before stepping back.

"Jarvis?" Maria questioned.

"That was the 70th time she said _that_."

Natasha just ignored them as she grabbed the door's handle.

"Just get early leave, Mrs. Hill." Natasha said, using her best 'agent' voice.

"Yes, ma'am." Came the sultry response.

Xxxx

As they rode the elevator up, Natasha couldn't stop sneaking glances at the taller woman next to her.

"That is not subtle, babe." Maria's voice was amused as she shook her head at her.

"If you wanted me to be subtle, you should not be wearing that dress." Natasha said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. And it was.

Her wife made a show of turning around and pointedly looking her from top to bottom, raising a questioning eyebrow once she finished. Natasha smirked.

"I never said I wanted _you_ to be subtle."

"You're impossible." Maria sighed as she picked some inexistent something from Natasha's dress before raising a hand to her cheek. "Try to behave. It's just for a few hours, then some mingling with the other avengers and then… I'm all yours. No need to hide."

"For a whole weekend." Natasha smiled, closing her eyes and leaning on her wife's hand.

"A whole weekend of just us, love." Maria leaned to touch their foreheads together.

"The elevators door will open In 25 seconds, Mrs and Agent Hill."

"Thank you Jarvis." Natasha muttered before giving Maria a light kiss.

"Behave." Maria said as soon as they parted.

"Yes ma'am." Nat smirked, slapping Maria's bum the second before the doors opened.

A muffled yelp following her out the doors.

Xxxx

"How did a nice girl like you ended up working in a dump like this?"

"Fella done me wrong." Natasha said, with an exaggerated accent.

"You got lousy taste in men, then."

Natasha bit her lip to not break character. Good thing he didn't say 'romantic partners' in general or she might not have been as amused. Then again… seeing Maria have a go at Innocent Dr Banner without him knowing why would have been hilarious. Anyways.

"He's not so bad. Well, he has a temper. Deep down he's all flush." She batted her eyes at Bruce exaggeratedly, enjoying their ridiculous banter. This description actually fit Maria's persona when she used to train rookies for SHIELD. Heh, funny that. Nat would have to bring that comparison up one day.

Bruce didn't laugh though. He smiled and his eyes. Oh. Oh dear…

"Sounds amazing."

"He's also a huge dork." Natasha said, backing away and bringing her voice back to normal. Apparently she'd been the only one playing here. Oh-oh.

Silence. Awkward silence.

"Do…ahm, do chicks dig that?"

Natasha just blinked at Bruce, her mouth slightly opened. Wow. She had no idea what to say. She tip a sip of her drink and shrugged, avoiding an answer so things wouldn't get even more awkward. And actually… she didn't know about others, but she did dig that. Maria was a huge dork once she was off hours. She smiled thinking about her wife. And immediately stopped when she saw Bruce's happy face.

Fuck.

Giving him a painfully awkward smile, Natasha took another sip and turned to leave. As she was walking away, she saw Steve with a far too amused expression on his face right at the end of the bar.

 _Help me_ she mouthed him, hoping he'd let poor Bruce down gently for her without revealing her secret. She didn't want to say why she was unavailable.

Truth was, if circumstances many years ago had been different, she didn't know what she might have felt. As it was, though? There was absolutely no one else. No one who could even turn her head, let alone her heart.

Her gaze found red dress and raven hair. Locking her eyes with blue ones, she gave a tiny nod towards the far away bathroom. She was bored, and it had been hours already.

An almost imperceptible smile was her answer, and one look around the room was all it took for the red dress to disappear. Depositing her still full glass at the closest available surface, Natasha allowed the Black Widow to take control, and she disappeared.

Xxxx

Watching all the idiots trying to pull the hammer was hilarious. Thor's face when Steve actually moved the damn thing a bit even more so. Bruce looking at her after he tried? Not so much… Maria sent her a raised eyebrow at that, and she just shrugged helplessly. She'd _no idea_ where this obsession had come from.

"Widow?"

"Oh no, no. That's not an answer that I need answered." She shook her head with a self-depreciating smile, feeling, more than seeing, Maria's soft gaze on her. She didn't want to deal with it now.

"Cap, he said a bad word." Maria pointed, drawing everyone's attention from her. Natasha offered her a smile.

And then… Everything went to shit.

As the fight broke loose, Natasha saw Maria quickly dropping behind the sofa, gun already shooting fire towards the robots before anyone else could do anything. Two years in the backburner and she was still faster to react than any of them. She'd have to point that out to the boys later. Shaking her shock off, Natasha ran towards cover, just to find herself being pressed against the floor with Bruce's head on her breasts. Okay, they were going to have to have a talk. At a better time though.

"Don't turn green." She says as she moves, taking time to listen if shots were still being fired from somewhere on the floor behind the couch.

She was safe, that was what mattered.

xxxx

Her anger was still high as she checked the files the bastard had looked through. At least Maria had listened to her and they never kept anything on them anywhere near the internet.

She turned, looking at her wife still plucking glass out of her feet like it was dirt. Her hands clenched into a fist, wanting nothing more than being there doing that for her. Mad didn't even begin to describe her feelings towards Bruce and Tony right now. She was kinda hoping that Thor would have at least thrown him through some glass before they resorted to talking.

Steve was right though. They needed to work together now. They had to fix this mess.

She looked at Maria and found bright blue eyes already focused on her, a sad but determined expression on her face. Natasha sighed as she steeled herself, nodding. Their weekend would have to wait.

Xxxx

Natasha could see Maria trying to find her eyes but she couldn't look at the screen. Couldn't glance at her now, with so many memories of the red room flying around in her head and the vision of what could happen to her wife and the life they'd planned together if she failed. Not without breaking completely. Not without needing her arms around her, her smell surrounding her, keeping her on the present, telling her they were safe and sound.

" _Safe house_."

Clint's voice brought her back somewhat.

"Clint." She said, voice broken.

"You need this, Tasha. I need this. They… they need this too." Clint's tone brooked no argument, and Natasha closed her eyes tightly. "Enough is enough. I…we need this." The broken tone that left his mouth almost made the tears gathering around her eyes to fall but she held back as she reclined against her chair. Apparently, she'd be able to let loose soon enough in the arms of the only person she'd never minded seeing her like this.

"What?" Tony's voice was loud and Natasha was just tired.

"Let it go, Stark. For once in your life let it go."

And he did.

Xxxx

Natasha watched as Clint introduced Laura to everyone else, smiling a little at her. It seemed forever since she'd last seen her friend.

"Did you bring auntie Nat? Cause auntie Maria was really upset and I think seeing her would be nice to her."

Nat smiled as she went to hug her niece, but she felt more than heard the silence that descended around the room.

"Auntie Maria?" Bruce asked.

"What Maria? Which Maria? Our Maria?" Stark fired a question after the other and Natasha closed her eyes. Before any of them could answer, though, the sound of footsteps approaching shut them up.

Her wife. Her amazing, beautiful wife was here. Dressing as casual as could be with loose jeans, a tank top and a checkered shirt, her long hair thrown up in a messy ponytail. She had probably been playing with their nephews outside, considering how messy her semblance looked. To Natasha, though, she had never looked more beautiful.

"Masha." She hardly recognized her voice, so weak and broken as it was.

"Nat…"

Her wife's voice was like a balm and Natasha lost it; she couldn't hold back anymore. With as much speed as it was safe, she handed Clint's daughter to his already waiting arms, and rushed into Maria's embrace. She buried her head deep into the taller woman's neck and collar bone, letting her scent and the sensation of her strong arms around her bring her home and back down to Earth. For what seemed like forever and not enough time, she just held her back with a strength that would be certainly painful for anyone who was not a trained agent.

And then the questions started.

"Masha?"

"Nat?"

Natasha didn't know, neither did she care at this point, who between Tony, Bruce or Thor had asked which question, but she still pulled her face up to face her companions. She didn't let go of her wife's waist though, neither did Maria's arm fall from her shoulder. The three of them were very torn between looking around, but Tony's eyes settled on Cap.

"You're not surprised?"

"Well…" Steve started but didn't get very far as Bruce asked another question.

"You're together?" He pointed at Maria and Natasha. A beat passed and he pointed at Clint and Laura as well. "And you too?"

Natasha felt Maria drawing a quick breath, before squaring her shoulders, every single eye in the room focusing on her. Arms still around her wife, Maria's voice rang clear through the living room.

"Yes, Dr Banner. Clint and Laura haven been married for many years, have two kids and are waiting on the third. Natasha and I have been married for two years now. Kids department still on the backburner for now, though." A small smile appeared on the faces of those who'd already known about their relationship, while the other's just ended up with a bigger incredulous expression. "Yes, Stark. Steve already knew about Nat and I, because he happened to be present when it started years ago, like Clint and Nick. I come and stay with Laura and the kids on the weekends when Nat's out. We share the rent of the house."

Silence.

"Any questions?" She asked in her best Commander voice. Either they were too shocked to do anything other than gape or Maria really had quieted their doubts, but no sound was uttered after that, until Clint's daughter stepped towards Thor.

Xxxx

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Maria asked as she carefully patched her cuts, but Natasha kept looking at the window.

She heard Maria sighing as she finished the last wrap. The hand on her cheek drew her eyes back to their room. Their bed. Where Maria was sitting right by her side, looking at her with a worried expression on her face.

"Babe, do you wanna talk about it?"

Clenching her jaw and blinking back tears, Natasha just shook her head. She had already said 'Maximoff… Red Room'. Maria knew what this was about; they already had the conversation about the things that'd happened there, so Maria knew exactly what was on her mind right now and would never push it. Natasha couldn't go back there again. Not now… not now.

Maria nodded, quietly mouthing 'okay'. As she started to move, Natasha desperately clung to her hand.

"Don't leave. Please." Her voice sounded broken to her own ears, all wrong, but she couldn't muster the will to make it stronger.

"Never." Maria said as she deposited the first aid kit on the floor, and laid back on the bed, pulling Natasha with her.

"I'm here, babe. Always. Forever. Whatever comes our way."

Natasha closed her eyes and let Maria's heartbeat lull her into a sense of calm and peace of mind. Her arms felt like a safety net, knowing she'd always be caught when she was falling.

After a long silence, she whispered "Two years, huh?"

She felt Maria tense for a moment before she let out a very low chuckle, as if it had escaped without permission.

"Indeed…"

"Masha?"

"Yes, babe?"

"You think… once we settle all of this down…" Natasha said, voice still low and hands tightening around Maria's flannel. As she seemed stuck with words, she felt Maria's hands combing down her hair gently, soothing her. A deep breath later, she continue her train of thought. One quite similar from two years ago. "You think we would be ready for the next step?" she let out in one breath.

Natasha felt smiling lips pressing against her forehead.

"You know, Nat… I think we might be."

Xxxx

"Maria. Natasha."

Nick's nonchalance as he greeted the two women as he entered the house just like he'd done quite a few times seemed to send Tony once more into shock. He just stood there, looking from Maria to Nick and back again. Natasha sighed.

"Get it out of your chest, Tony."

She honestly didn't know if she was amused or not when he pointed at Maria.

"You're my employee."

"I'm Pepper's employee."

"How did I not know this?" He asked finger going back and forth between Nat and her wife.

"I asked Pepper to not make any files on our marriage."

"Pepper knows about this?"

"She was my maid of honor." Maria said, smirk in place as she leaned back against the kitchen sink.

"What?!"

Natasha bit her lip to stop the laughter that was coming right up.

"Nick officiated, Steve took Nat to the altar, Coulson took me. Clint was Nat's best man and Pepper was my maid of honor."

"You said you have been married for two years. You've been working for me for two years."

"We stroke a very fast friendship. And I work for Pepper."

The look of utter confusion and astonishment at all that were too much for Nat and she started laughing, soon followed by the others in the room.

"Haha, very funny. Where's Thor? He also didn't know about this. Bruce?"

The poor doctor seemed like he rather do anything than be brought into this conversation. Natasha would have felt bad, except she had absolutely no idea where he'd gotten the idea that she might have been interested in him. None at all, it made no sense.

"I-I suppose I can see why they wouldn't tell us." He stammered out a response. "W-With their jobs and positions being what they are or were… two years right?" They both nodded. "It's when the whole SHIELD fiasco happened so…" he trailed off and turned around.

While this conversation had happened, Nick had gone and gotten some coffee for himself, sitting at the table with the ease of someone who had this a thousand times at this house, which seemed to baffle Tony even more.

Maria laughed as she put a pot on the table and sat down beside Nat.

"Look behind you, Tony. That might help you wrap your mind around it."

As he turned, Natasha knew what he'd see. Their marriage certificate hanging on the wall by Laura and Clint's and a picture on each side of each wedding.

"Two years, huh?" He asked again.

Natasha smirked.

"Actually, two years that we've been married. Four since we got together."

Bruce and Tony were back to staring at her, mouth slightly open. Maria shook her head and hid her face behind her face, though Natasha knew she was actually smiling.

"Four?"

"Yep." She made sure the 'p' sounded extra popping as she leaned into her wife.

"As amusing as this is, we have things to talk about." Nick said, getting up to rinse his mug and get started on dinner.

Maria's shoulder straightened and Natasha sighed. Pleasure was over, time to face the facts.

"Ultron took you guys out of play to buy himself time." As he started to talk, Natasha realized one thing; he didn't have much to go on. Not an ally, no real data, nothing.

"Well, this is good times, boss, but I was hoping when I saw you, you'd have more than that." Natasha said, the anxiety that Maria had manage to quench coming back.

"He does." Maria said, squeezing her before getting up to stand by Nick's right side as she always did, squaring her shoulders, feet apart. "We do. We have you."

Nick nodded before picking it up. "Back in the day, I had eyes everywhere, ears everywhere else. Here we all are, back on earth, with nothing but our wit, and our will to save the world. So stand. Outwit the platinum bastard."

Natasha smiled at that.

"Steve doesn't like that kind of talk."

"You know what Romanoff…"

"Hill." They both interrupted him with a smile.

Natasha took that moment to look at her wife as she was focused on the conversation around them. Maria was going to return to Nick's side full time for this one, and as much as it pained Natasha, there's no one else she'd rather have watching her back. They were about to do it again. The two of them down the rabbit hole, not knowing if either, let alone both, would come alive at the end.

"Has anyone been in contact with Helen Cho?" Bruce's words seemed to snap everyone into action, and Natasha got up to head to her room and gather up her gear, knowing Maria would not be far behind.

They packed up in silence, handing things to the other without needing to look up.

As Natasha zipped up her duffle bag, she turned to see Maria with hers already at her feet, tactical gear in place. She smiled; Maria always had been more efficient at packing than her.

"This is it…" She started, but stopped once her wife shook her head.

"No. Not like that. This time you guys are a team again. You know somewhat what you'll be facing. I got your backs. Nick and I will do everything we can on our end, and you will do everything you can on yours." She said, taking two steps forward and putting her hands on both of Natasha's arms.

"And if it's not enough…?" She asked, voice low and not meeting the blue eyes she knew were trying to find hers. One hand let go of her arm to tilt her chin upwards, forcing their gazes to meet.

"I know you'll make it be enough." Maria said, a certainty in her voice that made Natasha's back straighten out of its own accord. This was the commander, not her wife. "Besides, you better, 'cause the adoption papers will require two parents, and I'm kind of set on the other one being you." She added with a smile, and Natasha pulled her down into a deep kiss by the lapels of her jacket.

Okay, maybe it was both the commander and her wife, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Is that an order?"

"It is, Agent Hill."

"Aye aye, Commander Hill."

xxxx

Natasha laughed as she opened the hatch of the Quinjet. Oh, she hoped Maria was not watching this from the tower, because if she was, even if they survived this, she'd be killed by her wife.

"Don't crash" was the mantra she played in her head constantly as she drove and swirled around the streets, trying as much as she could not to hit anyone at all. She rolled her eyes; Masha had had such an effect on her.

"Beep beep!" She shouted as she passed more people. Yep, she was turning into a nerd. Maria had better not be seeing this.

Once inside the truck, Natasha hurried to try and disconnect it.

Of course, life for them was never easy, and soon she found herself flying with it.

"The package is airborne. I have a clean shot." Clint's voice came to life in her ear.

"Negative. I am still in the truck." She answered quickly looking around.

"What the hell are you..?"

An idea struck.

"Just be ready, I'm sending the package to you."

"How do you want me to take it?"

"Uhh, you might wish you hadn't asked that." She quipped as she got ready. Oh, Maria had really better not be watching this, and the boys had better not tell her what Natasha was about to do. _Well, here goes nothing._

Xxxx

Everything hurt. Natasha didn't know if the worse was the body pain or the painfully boring monologue Ultron wouldn't stop yapping about.

Masha.

She needed to reach out. She needed to tell them she was okay, and she needed to figure out how to find them, or her wife might do something reckless. And she knew she would, because as much as Maria believed in putting the mission first, putting humanity first… she would not let Natasha be lost to an unknown fate. They might hide from each other information that might jeopardize a mission, but they'd never let the other go. Not while either of them drew breath.

She needed to contact Clint. Now.

Xxxx

"Natasha!"

Having Bruce Banner come to her rescue was not what she was expecting, but she was not gonna complain.

"Bruce?"

"You alright?"

"Yeah."

She hid as he blasted open the door.

"The team's in the city, it's about to light up."

"Maria?" She asked as they started climbing out.

"I don't know. Fury hasn't contacted us yet."

Natasha felt quite relived at that. "She didn't know I got taken, then?"

"Not that I'm aware."

"Good." She said, but as she was about to open the door, Banner stopped her.

"Natasha…"

She looked at him expenctantly.

"Bruce, we're kind on the clock here."

"I-I know… I just wanted to apologize."

Really? They were doing this now?

"What?"

"For…you know. At Tony's party, I… I clearly misunderstood." He looked so sad and embarrassed that she actually felt bad for him.

"It's okay, Bruce. I mean, I have no idea what made you think what you did, but… it's fine. No harm done." She tried for a small smile.

"Yeah… don't know what I was thinking." He gave her such a painful smile that Natasha felt her heart clench at that. Oh no… that would not do. Maria would kick her ass if she left it at that. Actually, not even she could do that; he was a nice guy.

"Bruce. Chicks do dig that. The nerdy type. I know I do. With Maria. Just cause I'm not the nerd-digging one for you, doesn't mean she's not out there. I'm still your friend, and I still think you're great, okay? Green side and all." She said, hand on his shoulder and looking straight into his eyes.

"I…" He looked back and after a long pause she felt his shoulders relaxing."Thanks…Natasha."

She smiled at him, before letting it turn into a smirk.

"Now… I'm really sorry, but my wife would kick my ass if I didn't finish the mission, and I need a ride." She said as she pushed him into the giant hole. This would be fun.

Xxxx

So much for finishing the mission, getting back home and getting a kid…

"I didn't say we should leave… There's worse ways to go. Where else am I gonna get a view like this?"

" _If you like the view so much, we'll ask Stark to build a higher tower, Agent Hill, but you're not getting out of co-parenting. We've got plans."_

Natasha's pulse skyrocketed as the voice chipped in her ear.

"Masha?"

" _View's about to get better, Hill. Nice, right? Your wife and I pulled her out of mothballs. She's dusty, but she'll do."_

As the Hellicarrier came into view, Natasha felt tears prickling the sides of her eyes. They were gonna get out of this. They were gonna get out of this and she was not letting go of her wife for a month.

" _I couldn't let you die. I need to see how you Hills will deal with kids!"_

" _Sir!"_

" _Yeah, yeah, Hill, we gotta save the world as well."_

"Fury, you son of a bitch." Natasha was full-blown laughing at that.

" _Oooh, you kiss your mother with that mouth?"_

Natasha tapped into her com "Masha?"

" _I've got your back, babe. Give them hell."_

"Aye, aye ma'am!" She smiled as she started helping Cap round up the civilians.

"Nat, come on. We got kids present, keep it PG."

She rolled her eyes

" _I pity everyone you've been on a date with, if you consider this more than PG, Steve."_ Maria's voice sounded on her ears, and she heard laughter around. " _Go be heroes, guys. I'll give you a few pointers after battle."_

"Yes, ma'am…" Steve's answer made Natasha laugh all the more. She looked up at him just in time to see him ducking his head, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks.

"You should take the offer, Steve. She did get the girl, after all." She winked at him, before helping the first few civilians to get out of their hiding places.

Xxxx

" _Incoming!"_ Maria's shout coming through the coms send a chill down Natasha's spine.

"Masha?!"

No answer.

"MARIA?!" She shouted looking up to see Steve's terrified face.

"Commander Hill, please respond."

" _Not a commander anymore, cap. And do give me more credit guys, just an errand bogie. Couldn't leave the fun all to you, could we?"_

Natasha took a deep breath.

"You'll be the death of me, woman."

" _Now that I could turn into a very non PG comment, but I'll spare your innocence, Captain."_

"Aaargh!" She heard Steve shout and she laughed.

God, she loved that woman.

" _Romanoff. Or… Hill…Did you actually take her name? Anyways, whatever, I need you to stop flirting with your wife for a second and rendezvous with everyone else."_ Tony's chirped.

"On my way. And yeah Stark. It's Hill now."

Xxxx

"I know what I need to do. The dining room! If I knock out that east wall, it'll make a nice space for Laura, huh? Put up some baffling, she can't hear the kids running around, what do you think?"

"Maria will kill you if you touch that dining room."

"No one eats in the dining room!"

"Maybe we'll get our own house…"

"I'm hurt! It has to be close by, though."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Fine. Go get the Hulk and then go see your wife before she has an aneurism." He joked as they climbed off the car.

As Natasha was about to reach Bruce though, things got really fuzzy. Next thing she knows she's being dropped on the Hellicarrier by giant green hands.

"Thanks, big guy." She gave him a smile, but he turned around and jumped off. What? No. "Bruce! Bruce!" Natasha had no idea what he was doing, but honestly? She had other priorities. She needed to see Maria.

Xxxx

Natasha smiled as she looked at her phone.

"Fat." She laughed as she took in the giggling baby that was her new 'nephew'.

"I dare you say that to that to Laura's face."

Natasha turned around to the sight of her smiling wife, one eyebrow raised. She smirked.

"I would. But I can think of better ways to spend my time."

"Oh, I'll bet." Maria shook her head at her, resting her hands on Natasha's waist as the smaller woman looped her neck, pulling her down for a quick kiss. "Alas, we have a job to do."

"But it's gonna be boring…" She pouted.

"Think of it like this… this is 9 to 5."

She hummed in response.

"The more stable the job, the better for a kid." Maria said, using her hands to ease whatever tension was on Natasha's back.

"Kids." She mumbled. "Plural."

"Kids…then we definitely need a 9 to 5, babe."

"Fine. You win this time, Commander." Natasha reluctantly agreed, drawing away from her wife slowly, to make the moment linger. She saw Steve at the corner, waiting for her.

"This is creepy, Rogers."

Maria turned to look at the Cap as well, crossing her arms and smirking alongside her wife as Steve jumped from being caught.

"I… I was just waiting for you to be done talking, ahm…" he stammered, blushing.

"No worries, we were just waiting for you and Tony to stop staring at each other's eyes."

He rolled his eyes at that and both woman smiled. With a quick peck on her lips, Maria started to walk away from them.

"Oh, and cap? Stop by my office at lunch time. I can get you started on those tips."

Natasha laughed. She really loved that woman.

Xxxx

Later that night, they were cuddling up on their couch after dinner, Natasha mulling over everything that had happened the last few months. Their new house hadn't taken that long to be built with the help of the other Avengers – who had all been ridiculously happy to help set it up. It was close enough to the Barton's that they could visit quickly, but far enough that they could have their privacy. Natasha was kinda glad she'd gotten to share that with her friends – aside from Banner, who was still MIA.

Finally, she decided to voice what had been on her mind since the whole fiasco on Sokovia.

"You know…"

Maria just hummed, turning a page on her book.

"A lot of people lost their families at Sokovia…"

"I know…" Maria said, putting the book down and turning those bright blue eyes towards Natasha. Damn, they were so goddamn pretty.

And now she was getting nervous.

"I mean… D-Do you… do you think any of them would… I dunno. You know… I…" Rambling, great. Maria would never let her live this down. She hadn't been this nervous when she proposed, for heaven's sake.

"Yes."

Wait.

What?

"I didn't ask anything."

"Last time you took this long to ask something, it was very hard on my heart, so I decided to make it easy for you this once." Maria turned to look into Natasha's eyes, expression soft and eyes shining. "I think we're stable enough now. I'll talk to Pepper. She knows a lot of people, they should help us get this on its way quite soon. If you want."

Natasha's felt tears running down her face as her lips trembled.

"Yeah?"

Maria's hand cupped her cheek. She could feel all the love shining from her eyes, and Natasha knew her face showed exactly the same.

"Yeah."

"I love you, Masha."

"I love you too, Nat." Her wife whispered back, before claiming her lips in a passionate kiss.

She really did love this woman.


	4. Civil War

Heeeeello everyone!

I said I'd get both fics out before Endgame and damn it, I WILL!

..Ahem… Did you guys like Captain Marvel? It was amaaazing! =D Go watch!

Anyways, here's another chapter! This time we follow the events that happened in Civil War, not as closely as the other ones cause Maria doesn't actually appear, BUT we do get to meet the kids!

I really enjoyed writing this, so I hope you like it!

Don't forget to comment =D

 **Captain America: Civil War**

Maria smiled as she watched her kids run around the backyard, their laughter so free and happy that she just couldn't help but join in. Sometimes, she still couldn't believe any of it. Just one year ago these two had been made orphans; homeless, sad and confused beyond calculation by the battle of Sokovia. It was as Nat and her were helping out the civilians move to a safer and more stabilized location that her wife had seen them.

Two little kids, siblings, hugging each other, scared eyes darting around between the officers, agents and other refugees running about. At the ages of 3 and 6, they had no clue what was truly happening. Nat had taken one look at them before walking over, Maria following right behind. Brother and sister had looked up at her and her wife with so much hope that Maria just wanted to hug them and never let go, which was completely new to her. Even if they had been talking about adopting, Maria did not expect this surge of maternal feelings. She couldn't even guess what people at SHIELD would say I they knew that the hard-ass Commander Hill had just about melted at the sight of two little kids.

They had had to carry on, however; there was a new base to settle, a house to build, and Avengers to organize. Once they sat down to talk about kids more seriously though, Nat's subtle comment on the possible orphans that'd been originated from the tragedy did not go by unnoticed by Maria. Her memory of the siblings was still as fresh as Natasha's obviously was.

As she had guessed, knowing Pepper had made everything that much easier. In no time at all, she'd been able to locate the siblings they'd described, and less than a week later, Kaelan and Nichole were being properly introduced to them. All four were nervous and scared, but it worked out well enough; the kids seemed to remember them, and were quick to get attached. Kaelan held Natasha's hand with all his 3-year-old might, and Nichole had her arms tightly around Maria's waist.

The Avengers – and even Fury! – were always showing up with toys, clothes and other gifts. Maria was actually worried about spoiling the kids, but she could never bring herself to say no once she saw their happy little faces.

Despite their crazy jobs and even crazier extended family, Maria would say they were doing quite a good job.

A pair of arms wrapped around her waist from behind, and a chin settled snugly on her shoulder.

"They're adorable, aren't they?"

Maria smirked.

"Are you on your tiptoes?"

Silence. Pouty silence.

The taller woman laughed.

"I guess they have whom to take after in their adorable-ness." Maria said as she turned around to find the narrowed eyes of her wife directed at her. With a smile, she kissed pouting lips, hugging Natasha tightly to properly welcome her home.

They were silent for a minute, just listening to the kids still running around outside, birds on nearby trees chirping, and the calmness and tranquillity that was their home.

Taking a deep breath, Maria backed away from the embrace to look at the other woman.

"How was it?"

Natasha frowned and Maria's stomach dropped. That was not a good sign.

"It wasn't good, Masha. Things got a little out of control over there, and I think they're going to ask us to sign a treaty to obey the government or something." Maria's eyebrow rose at that. "Steve and Tony are butting heads already."

"Steve and Tony are always butting heads."

"Not like this." Natasha said, voice low. Maria frowned, she did not like that tone.

"Nat?"

"I don't know, Masha… something doesn't feel right."

They were silent for a while again, while Maria processed this information.

"Nat?"

"Hm?"

"What do you think of it?"

Natasha met her eyes, and Maria's heart clenched at the turmoil she saw there. The smaller woman started to shake her head and open her mouth, but she never got the chance to speak.

A little ball of energy had just banged the door open and jumped straight to Natasha's now awaiting arms. Thank god for spy reflexes.

"Momma, you're back!" Kaelan's excited little voice sounded so delighted, that the tension in the room lifted at once, bringing smiles to both women's faces.

"So I am, little man! Have you been behaving?" She asked, just as their daughter came inside as well, a little less exuberant in her entrance, but also timidly seeking Natasha's embrace.

"Yes! We both have, right Nicky?" Kaelan asked, his chubby cheeks red with exertion after running outside all day.

The girl attempted to roll her eyes, making both Maria and Natasha smile more – she'd totally gotten that from Maria, which was something that she wasn't yet quite sure if she was proud of or not.

"I suppose you kinda did. I behaved more though!" She said, smiling. "Right, mamma?"

Maria just smiled and raised her hands in surrender, laughing as her daughter looked outraged – that was all Natasha.

"How long are you staying, momma?" Kaelan asked, and Maria knew she shouldn't, knew it'd make it harder for Natasha to answer, but her eyes followed her kids' to her wife.

She couldn't help it. She missed her.

Natasha took her time looking at all of them; Maria could tell that her mind was going as fast as it could, calculating all the possible scenarios. It felt like an eternity, but it was just a couple of seconds before their eyes met. Maria knew she'd come to a decision.

"Not long right now, _malen'kiy_. But," She added quickly as both of the kids' expressions soured. "After this next trip? I promise I'll be around more. A lot more." Natasha looked at her again, and Maria felt a smile coming to her lips.

She was choosing them.

Xxxx

"Did you tell him I sent a hug?" Maria asked as soon as the line connected.

"Yes, of course." Her wife's voice was neutral.

Maria waited.

"He apologized for not signing. Sent hello to the kids and an apology for not being able to go visit soon, too." She continued.

Maria made a noncommittal sound. She heard shuffling from the other end, as if Natasha was moving to a quieter place.

"I'm scared, Masha."

Maria's shoulders dropped. Taking a deep breath, she answered.

"I know, Nat. I'm behind you, though. You know that."

"Yeah…" She trailed off. "We need to take responsibility for our actions. For the consequences of our decisions." Maria heard her take a breath. "It is the right decision." A beat, and then, "Right?"

Maria was silent for a while.

"Nat," Maria paused, looking at the two sleeping kids before closing the door and pacing towards the master bedroom. They'd already been over this, but if her wife needed to hear it again, she'd give her that. "When you decided to take up SHIELD's offer, you made the call that you'd feel better with someone there to watch over you. To make sure you wouldn't go astray. To clean your ledger. It worked. Time and time again, you proved – to yourself and to others – that you had control back. You also had people at your back then. You knew we wouldn't let you take responsibility for things by yourself. You gained the trust of everyone there in little over a year. Including that of the director and his deputy, you know." She added the last bit as an afterthought, hoping to lift some of the heaviness she felt on this conversation. The small but present chuckle on the other side of the line showed she was somewhat successful.

"It did work. Even got a wife to boot." Natasha quipped, and Maria felt her shoulders relax a little.

"Indeed. What better outcome could you possibly have asked for?"

Natasha's chuckle was a bit stronger now, and Maria finally laid down on their bed.

"I love you." _And I really miss you_ Maria thought, eyes closed.

"I love you too." Came the breathy response.

Pause.

"Maria?"

"Hum?"

"What if it doesn't work in the long run?"

Pause.

"Well, Nick does owe us a favour after hooking the two little one's into chocolate the last time he visited… he'll totally have to bail all of us out of whatever mess we get into."

"Us?" Her voice was so small and so unlike Natasha that it made Maria's heart clench.

"Always. We're a team, Nat. It's grown, but we're a team now more than ever. The four of us will always have each other's back. Always."

"I love you."

"I love you too, babe."

Instead of hanging up like Maria thought she would, Natasha asked her to talk. To tell her about what their kids had been up to the past few days, and so she did. Maria talked until her eyes started to get heavy, her words slurred, and the sounds around her seemed to dimmer.

" _Sweet dream, Masha."_

With a smile on her face, Maria let dreams take her.

Xxxx

Nothing ever went as planned, though. Maria was never so glad for the time difference that meant their kids were still asleep, because otherwise she'd have to fill their swear jar to the brink with how much she cursed as she watched the news, heart beating faster than it had in a very long time. Natasha was right there. In that room. That had just exploded. Probably in a front seat. The phone was in her hand, pressing down button 1 before she was even aware of it.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up." Maria started chanting as she paced around the room. As soon as the line called 'busy', Maria was already dialling again. And again, and again, until the fourth time, when it finally connected.

"I'm okay." Her wife's voice, breathless and muffled by screams, was the sweetest sound Maria had ever heard. Before she could say anything, however, Natasha continued. "Give me five minutes babe, I'll call you back. I promise you I'm unharmed. Love you." And the line went dead.

It took all of Maria's training for her not to throw her phone at the wall. Natasha was alive and well, and she'd call her back. She had to focus on that. She took a deep breath, glancing at the old clock on the wall. Leaving behind the work Nick had asked her to do, she made her way upstairs towards the kids' room, carefully opening the door.

Inside, both were still sleeping. Kaelan had his thumb in his mouth, looking very content and peaceful, and Nichole, as always, had the duvet covering her whole head. The slight movements of their blankets and the serene silence that enveloped her as she looked at her children allowed Maria to breath. To calm herself. Her wife was alive, and she'd be back to them soon. She knew it. With a small, tight smile, Maria closed the door silently and walked back to her office, turning the telly off before making her way to her room. Her work could wait a few minutes. Closing the door there, she sat in the middle of the bed, phone in hand, and waited.

As soon as five minutes had passed, the phone was by her ear, call accepted before the first ring had even a chance to complete.

"Babe-"

"I'm alright, Masha. I promise. The only thing that hit me was dust. Not even a rip in my clothes, really. Feel a little sore on my right side, but that's all." Her voice reminded Maria of all the times she'd debriefed Natasha when she'd come back to SHIELD after missions. It made her breathe easier.

"Okay… Okay." She said, nodding even though she knew Natasha couldn't see her. She took a deep breath. "You know, I did not miss this." She continued, conversationally.

"Missed what? My voice?" He tone sounded forcedly amused, and Maria gave her a weak chuckle.

"Me waiting to hear if you were alive and unharmed. I thought taking a nine to five and doing research for Fury meant less of this." Maria said, forcing herself to lie down on the bed. Soon the kids would be up, and she needed to be ready.

"I know."

Both of them sighed at the same time.

"How bad is it?" She finally asked, knowing that Natasha would not be able to stay on the phone for long.

"Bad. T'Challa is dead. The king."

"Barnes?" Maria asked, knowing Natasha knew what she was asking without having to say another word.

"Yep, looks like he's to blame. Or being made to look like he's to blame, it doesn't matter."

Maria was silent, musing things over.

"The prince?"

"Will try to locate as soon as I'm outside." She said, even though she didn't sound in a hurry to actually do it. Maria bit her lip; she couldn't keep her. The job was more important. Her wife was well, she needed to let her go and be a hero.

"Steve?" She asked, grabbing a few more seconds.

"Nothing yet… should hear something soon, though." She paused. "Probably."

"He shouldn't get involved." She said, something they both knew.

"I know."

"He's gonna get involved." She said, even more unhelpful.

They were both silent.

"I know."

"I'll try to call him, but Nat…"

"Yeah…"

Maria heard noises coming from the bedroom.

"Kids are awake." She said in a low voice.

She couldn't see her, but she just knew that Natasha was closing her eyes tightly at the moment, fighting back any sort of emotion that wanted to show on her face.

"Tell them I love them, and will be home as soon as possible."

"I will."

Silence.

"Masha?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Nat." Maria said, a small, worried smile on her lips.

"Good."

Maria chuckled, and she could just picture Natasha's small smile.

"Be careful, babe. And report soon."

"Always, commander."

Xxxx

"He got himself detained."

"What?"

A hum was her response.

Maria paused. She was mid-way to flying back home, and was never more thankful for the automatic settings of the quinjet.

"Steve Rogers?"

"Yep."

"Captain America?"

"Uh-huh."

Maria shook her head.

"That explains why he didn't answer any of my calls…" She mused out loud.

Natasha just huffed.

"How did he get himself captured?"

"He made things worse." By the tone of her voice, Maria knew Natasha was finding it very hard to decide if she was amused, pissed off, or if she just couldn't believe it herself. Probably all of them together.

"He got Barnes?" She finally asked.

"That's one way of putting it." Natasha scoffed.

"And what's the other way?"

"He caused a ruckus all over the city to protect Barnes from both the government and the new king."

"T'Challa?" Maria asked in disbelief, but before her wife could answer her, something clicked. "The Black Panther."

Natasha paused.

"Nat?"

"God, you're super smart. It's so hot. Have I told you that before?"

Maria laughed, shoulders relaxing a little. She loved when her wife got like this.

God, she missed her.

Holding back a wistful sigh, she answered.

"One or two times. Don't mind hearing it again though."

Natasha hummed.

Maria knew that tone, and she felt a tingle down her back.

"Nat." She said in warning.

"The kids? Fury?" She asked innocently. Maria didn't buy it for one second.

"I'm still on my way home." Maria answered.

"So you're alone?" Her voice was but a whisper. Maria closed her eyes.

"Are you?" She rasped. Seconds later, she heard a door close.

"Hm, I have about 20 minutes before I'm needed outside, so… Commander?" Her voice was sultry and smooth, and Maria could just picture her whispering by her ear. A shudder ran down her spine.

"Yes?" She crocked out, thanking the stars that no one could see her blushing. She'd never live it down.

It'd been far too long since she'd been with her wife, though.

"Missed me?"

 _God yes._

Xxxx

"Must say that now I'm very much not alone." Maria said through her laughter as she picked up her phone, dodging Kaelan's little fingers that were trying to grab her. If the rookies could see their old Commander now, playing catch with a 4 and a 7 year old in her backyard, they'd not have believed their own eyes.

A small laugh sounded on the other side, but it sounded just a little bit forced. Maria tried to suppress a frown as she dodged Nichole's arms.

"Nat?"

"Steve vanished. With Barnes and Sam."

Maria suppressed a sigh as she turned around and grabbed Kaelan's waist with one arm, and started running around with him.

"Got you! Muahaha!" She boomed dramatically, making both kids shriek with laughter.

The chuckle on the other side of the line sounded more genuine this time.

"Nat, I…" She whispered, running away from one kid while the other laughed hysterically under her arm.

"-Can I hear them?"Natasha asked, her voice small. "I need to go to Tony soon, but I just wanna say hello."

Maria would later say she was distracted by the worry she felt for her wife, but really? She had no idea how she didn't notice Nichole going for her legs, managing to successfully tackle her down. Thankfully, her years of training allowed her to fall in a way that did not hurt either of her children.

"We got you mamma!" Kaelan yelled, delighted, and Maria couldn't help the grin that spread on her face as both kids looked down at her, eyes shining with pride and a huge smile plastered on their faces.

"I got her!" Nichole said. One raised brow from Maria made her amend her statement, though. "I suppose you helped distract her… so, uh, well done, Kaelan." Her smile was genuine enough that Maria just shook her head, grin still in place.

"Babe, did they really tackle you?" Natasha sounded far too amused, and Maria decided not to answer.

"Well done, junior agents! Now, who wants to say hi to momma?" Maria asked, quick to change subject as she put the phone on speaker – not before she heard Natasha's amused chuckle.

"Momma!" They both shouted, no doubt nearly rupturing Natasha's eardrums with their joy.

"Hello, little ones." She said, Maria's heart warmed at how soft Natasha sounded whenever she talked to their children. For someone who'd been so scared at first, Maria thought she'd been doing quite well. Both of them, in fact – much to her own relief. "What is this I hear about you tackling your mamma?"

Maria closed her eyes as the kids started regaling their other mother with an exaggerated version of what had just happened, a serene expression on her face. She laid down on the grass, just enjoying hearing the voices of the three people she loved most in this world. Trying to keep her mind off the possible repercussions of what Natasha had just told her. She wanted to know more, but she would not deny her wife her chance of talking to their children.

The rest could wait… For now.

Xxxx

"It's Cap, Nat… It's Cap, and Clint, and Wanda, and who knows who else by the end?" Maria said as she watched Natasha move around the room, picking up a few items to put in her bag. She knew it was an unnecessary remainder, but she couldn't just keep silent as she watched her wife freaking out in front of her.

"I thought you of all people were all for the accords." Natasha said, not stopping.

"I do think someone, or a group of some ones, should share the responsibilities and burdens of the kind of decision making you guys have to face, and I love it that you're supposedly going to be home more, but Nat… we both saw firsthand how a chain can get corrupted."

Natasha didn't answer as she continued to pack, now with completely unnecessary things. Maria suppressed a sigh, getting up to plead with her wife.

"Babe, Laura is going crazy with not knowing exactly what's going on. She just knows enough that now she's left alone with two kids and her husband is probably about to fight his friends, including you."

"I don't want to fight Clint."

"You want to fight Steve?" Maria asked.

Natasha scoffed.

"Of course not! But Barnes has to be taken down, Maria. This has to stop. It'll bring trouble to all of us if it keeps going."

"He has to be brought in, I agree. But like this?" Maria shook her head.

"What other choice do we have?" Natasha asked, madly shoving the last piece of clothes from her closet to an overflowing bag.

"Anything that doesn't involve shooting on sight or keeping him locked away for the rest of his life with no chance of redemption like they're doing with Wanda!" Maria exclaimed, attempting to keep a lid on her feelings.

"Don't you see? I'm just thinking about our family! I wanna come home, Maria!" Natasha cried out, tears starting to gather on her eyes.

"So am I! So _do_ I! But how do you think you're gonna feel if one of you dies while you're all fighting each other?! If Clint is never allowed to come back to Laura and the kids? All because all of you didn't stop to really talk through about this Barnes thing!" Maria said, trying hard not to raise her voice. She knew Natasha was incredibly stressed right now and none of this was her fault, but the situation hit a little too close to home.

"Why are you defending Barnes?!" Natasha asked violently., voice just short of a shout, and Maria had to take a deep breath to make sure hers wouldn't actually go that final mile.

Looking dead centre in the love of her life's eyes, she spoke with raw honesty, hands to her side, posture completely submissive.

"Because Barton took a chance on you. And I thank whatever deity is out there that he did. Even when every single person around him said he shouldn't have, when everyone, including myself, were doubtful there could ever be another side to you." With each pause, Maria took a step closer to her wife, whose hands had gone slack at her words. Whose mouth had opened in surprise and shock. Whose eyes were wide and filled with unshed tears.

Maria swallowed dryly before continuing.

"The day Barton made that decision, it changed my life in a way I could never have predicted. You were annoying. Didn't really to follow protocol. Your flirting with me all the time with the most bizarre lines at the most awkward times. You were always pranking and following me and all I wanted to do was to push you off the Hellicarrier or, at the very least, beat you into a pulp in the training room." She said, shaking her head at the absurdity of how they'd begun. She had done the later once or twice, actually.

Natasha just looked at her silently. So many years in a relationship, yet Maria had never really opened up about those early days.

"And then one day I saw you two. You and Barton, huddled close after a mission gone wrong. You weren't the powerful assassin the whole company had grown to fear and hate. You weren't a spy. You were not the enemy." She paused. "You were an agent. One of us. Who was hurting because she couldn't save the people inside a nearby building. It didn't matter that no one knew they were there until after everything went down… You were still upset. Hurt at the lives lost. That's when it hit me; I did not know Natasha Romanoff. But I wanted to. And so, I approached you that day. And started to answer your teasing with deadpans. I wanted to see how far you'd take it. And bit by bit, teasing became talking, talking became real flirting, and soon? I'd fallen hard."

The tears on Natasha's face had started falling. Maria brought her hand to her cheek, wiping the wet trail away with her thumb.

"I was in love, Nat… And now? Now I have a wife and two amazing kids, and all because Clint went against SHIELD. All because he trusted his gut feeling that there was more to you than met the eye. Than what we thought we knew. Than who we thought you were." Maria wetted her lips and gave a small cough to cover up her own broken voice, her own tears begging to be let loose.

Taking another little step, she touched her forehead to Natasha's. "And I'll never, ever be able to forget that. Nor will I be able to thank him enough. 'Cause he made the right call, Nat. Against all odds, all orders, all common sense, really… Saving you was the right call. Even if it didn't seem so at the time." Maria closed her eyes, the fear of what could have been never more present than right now.

"We decided in the beginning that I'd not take part in this. That one of us had to stay in a relatively safe position for the kids, and since Tony's lawyers had already taken me out of the Avengers picture officially, I'd be the one to do it. You're the hero here, Nat. You have been the one in the frontlines for the longest time, and I never minded being your eyes and ears in the base cause I know what you're capable of. It wasn't, and it isn't easy but I'd never ask you to stop. I know your place in the Avengers initiative, and I know mine. I have a good thing going on with the front of working for Stark Industries, the Avengers Facility and the research I do for Fury. It allows me to be home often, to be with Kaelan and Nichole, but, Nat… I'm your wife, first and foremost now."

"You're the hero…" Natasha started to mumble, but Maria cut her off. She needed to get all of this out.

"I'm not finished."

"Sorry."

"I have it good here, Nat, but I am your wife first, and I keep imagining if it was you there in Barnes' place. If, somehow, someone took control off of you. I wouldn't stop, Nat. I'd never ever give up on you. Nor would Clint, for that matter. No matter what it cost me, or how long it took, I'd go against everything and everyone just to have you back. To have you here. With me, and with our children, as the person I know you to be. And I'd never stop believing it to be possible. No matter what anyone else said or did, I'd always believe I'd find a way to bring you back to me, to us. I'm yours, and you are mine, Nat. It's what we promised."

Her nod was minute, but Maria still felt it.

They were silent and still for a very long time. Surely more than a few minutes, and then slim but toned arms were wrapping around her waist with such strength that they almost hurt. Natasha's wet face burrowed deep against the spot between Maria's collarbone and neck, as her body shook with soundless sobs. Closing her eyes, Maria wrapped her own arms tightly around Nat's shoulders, one hand caressing her hair as she let her tears finally fall freely.

The two of them stood there, locked into a tight embrace for long minutes, so long that Maria's feet started to hurt by the time their tears finally started to stop. She didn't mind it, though; not one bit.

As they slowly pulled slightly away, Maria's hands now on Natasha's waist and hers around Maria's neck, the smaller woman was the first to break the silence.

"I love you." Her voice was raw, tone low and completely honest.

Maria's smile was watery.

"I love you too, babe. Very much so."

"I love our kids too."

"I love them too. And they most certainly love you."

"Us."

"Us." Maria agreed.

Silence.

"I promised Tony…"

"I know. I know which side you'll take for now. All I'm saying, Nat, is keep an open mind." She stopped for a while, thinking of something to alleviate the mood. "But whatever you do, just… make it back safe, yeah?"

"Is that an order?" Natasha asked, a small smirk tentatively pulling at the corner of her lips. Maria answered it in kind, repeating the words that were now ingrained in her mind and heart.

"It is, Agent Hill."

"Aye aye, Commander Hill."

Xxxx

When she opened the door, Maria didn't know whether to laugh, cry or punch her wife right in the face. She settled for looking her up and down, assessing her injuries.

"I'm safe?" Natasha tried, voice a bit low.

"Clint? Steve? Wanda? Sam? All the others?"

Silence.

"A little less safe." She mumbled sheepishly. "But mostly unharmed."

"James?" She asked, having heard from her contacts back at base the state he'd been brought in. Natasha flinched.

"I'll go see him tomorrow morning."

Maria nodded.

Silence. Then both of them moved at the same time, Natasha's nose finding its favourite spot between Maria's neck and collarbone, hands around her waist as Maria's own found the shorter woman's hair and shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." Natasha said, her voice a broken whisper.

Maria just made a shushing noise.

"It's okay, babe. You made it back to us. We'll find a way to make sure Clint and the others do, too. Somehow."

As Natasha's shoulders started to shake with silent sobs, Maria just tightened her hold, trying to offer whatever comfort she could give her.

After what felt like forever, Natasha calmed down, and Maria started to sway them on the spot. Trying to pass on some sort of safety feeling, welcoming her wife home.

"The kids are asleep," She started on a low voice "But I think it'd be okay to wake them up for now… get them in our bed so we can all sleep together tonight."

"Yeah?" Natasha asked, her green eyes still shining with remnants of tears.

Maria nodded.

"I think we all need that." She said, simply. "We can deal with everything else tomorrow."

"Yeah?"

Maria just hummed, hugging her once more.

"Okay."

"Okay."

A few minutes passed by.

"Masha?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Nat. I love you too."

Xxxx

"They're gonna come after me." Natasha said as they settled in bed the night after she ran from Tony at the base. Maria had met her by the quinjet, and Natasha hadn't hesitated to climb, gripping her wife's hand tightly the whole flight home. She'd spent all afternoon with their kids, laughing and playing. And if she'd been a little more physically affective? Maria did not felt the need to point it out. "I – " She started, voice broken. Unshed tears in her eyes and blank expression on her face. She sniffed. "They're gonna question you. The kids. They're coming for all of you, I have to g-"

"Do not finish that sentence, Natasha Hill." Maria cut her, sharply, pulling her tighter against herself. "They won't came after me and if they did, they wouldn't find anything. The Romanoff they're after disappeared over three years ago. You're safe here. And none of the Avengers would dare turn on our family."

"I'm not so sure anymore."

"I am." Maria said.

"How?"

Natasha sounded so lost, that not for the first time (or hundredth, really), she cursed Steve Rogers and Tony Stark for all the mess that they had started. For the fractured friendships that they caused along with destroying their own.

"I'm still a sort of respectable Commander, you know?" Maria said, trying to alleviate the tension somewhat. The tinniest of smiles pulled at the corner of Natasha's lips.

"Really? Would've thought you were Deputy?"

"Eh… it changes with Nick's mood and the need of the facility. No idea where the guy's right now, though. He left me a few tips to follow through until he got back."

"We could have used him…" Natasha mentioned, eyes down cast. Maria just hummed.

"That mean you're actual Director now?" she asked after a while.

Maria gave a low chuckle.

"All of the responsibilities, none of the perks. Which would include that title." She explained, rolling her eyes and making a mental note to send a strong worded message to the bastard they both considered a father figure.

"Shame."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Masha… how can you be sure?" Natasha finally asked.

"My word is not enough anymore?" Maria joked, chuckling at Natasha's raised eyebrow.

Maria reached for her phone on the nightstand, unlocking it and clicking on the last message received. She turned it around to show it to Natasha.

" _Don't worry, boss. Commander. Employee. Never sure what to call you. Just Hill, then._

 _So, don't worry. I'm not gonna orphan your kids a second time. Or make you a widow or whatever it's called when your partner goes to prison or into hiding forever. Tell her to lay low, though. Especially when I come visit, I'm not leaving the kids without their uncle Tony, but I can't… I can't see her, Maria. Not yet._

 _Take care,_

 _T._

 _P.S.: Gonna have to fire you, though. Still kinda mad. Hope you can live with being only in the A facility and Fury's… whatever you are to him."_

Maria knew she'd finished reading, but gave her a few minutes to process what it meant. What Tony had given them. She felt more than saw the tension leave Natasha. The exhaustion and intense relief making her body drop back in her arms, nose pressed tightly against her neck.

A few minutes more and she finally spoke.

"I… Could you?"

Nodding, Maria typed an answer.

" _Thank you, Tony._

 _N._

 _Thanks. See you soon._

 _M."_

As soon as she hit sent, she placed her phone back to the nightstand, and hugged Natasha back with her two arms.

"You're not going anywhere, Nat. You made me a promise, Mrs Hill."

"I got you fired." She mumbled against her neck.

"Considering all the trouble you got me into through the years we've known each other, Nat, getting fired from Stark Industries is not the biggest one. Nor the worst, by a long shot. Besides, I'm sure I'll still get to see Pepper for lunch or something every other week, so I'm happy." Maria shrugged, completely honest.

Natasha pushed herself up so she could look right into Maria's eyes, and she met her searching gaze.

"You sure?"

"I don't regret anything, Natasha. And I would do all exactly the same if it meant that I'd be here, right now. With you, Kaelan and Nichole." Maria said, letting all her training and guard go so her wife could see her in her most honest, not even a hint of deception.

"Don't ever leave me, Masha. Please…" She half whispered, half pleaded. "I couldn't handle that. Not you."

"I'm not going anywhere, babe. I'm here for you, Natasha. I'm yours."

"Forever?" Natasha asked, pressing their foreheads lightly together.

"Forever." Maria sealed their renewed promises with a kiss.

Xxxx

Maria turned off the phone, an amused expression on her face – which only intensified as she looked at the apprehension on her wife's. She remained silent, watching as Natasha started to fidget.

She only had to wait 10 seconds – if only their enemies knew how easy it was to break the great Black Widow, the Avengers would have been in big trouble.

"So?"

"So what?" Maria smirked. Natasha narrowed her eyes at her.

"What did she say?" She asked, going for a threatening tone, but Maria had known her for a long time, so she only laughed.

"That she's not sure if she's angrier at you or Clint, or Steve, Tony, etc. Nor if she wants to bang your heads together or hug you and Barton close. Doesn't know if she wants to wrap herself around Clint and never let him go again or if she wants to confine him to the sofa for the next month or so." She said, tone light and soft as she looked Natasha in the eyes.

Natasha bit her lip, nodding her head slowly, avoiding meeting her gaze.

"So… pretty much like you were when I came back?" She asked, meeting her eyes for one second before looking away again.

Maria hummed as she approached her Natasha, bringing her hands to clap either one of her wife's.

"Not exactly…"

"Oh?" Natasha asked, finally meeting her eyes.

"The thought of keeping you out of our bed never really crossed my mind." Maria said, smirking. Natasha responded in kind.

"Is that so, Mrs Hill?" Natasha asked, coyly.

Narrowing her eyes, Maria secured her wife's hands more firmly and pushed them behind Natasha's back, stepping forward until her back hit the wall. Chest pressed against chest, Maria felt Natasha's breath catch, saw her pupils dilate.

Slowly, she brought her mouth to the smaller woman's right ear.

"It's Commander Hill to you, agent." She whispered, voice low. She felt Natasha's shudder; it did wonders for her ego to see her wife react like that to her, with just a few words. "And yes. It is so, Hill."

"A-and why is that, Commander?" Natasha asked, voice breathy.

Maria hummed, feeling Natasha's body tensing with anticipation, her nose trailing the shell of her ear. Before she could say exactly what she'd like to do to her wife if they were actually alone, though, the two reasons why she _wouldn't_ actually act on what she wanted, made themselves known:

"Mamma!" the voices sounded from their backyard, and she heard Natasha groan.

Chuckling, Maria took a few steps back, laughing harder as Natasha whimpered at the distance.

"To be continued, babe. Time to tend to our children." She winked, playful grin in place.

Before she turned around to go see what their little ones needed, she saw Natasha's pouting face turn into that of a happy, relaxed smile. Maria let her own expression relax at that. The situation with their friends right now was not the best. Clint and Natasha were at least past their most awkward phase around each other, but it was still not the best. Fury would probably call Maria soon for a mission or another. Pepper was still in distress, and Maria didn't really know how to advise her. Steve and Tony's friendship seemed as if it was done for good. Most of their group were wanted criminals now – including her wife. And yet…

"Mamma! Can we make chocolate-chip cookies?!" Nichole's voice shook her out of her thoughts.

"Yes, mamma, please!" Kaelan's voice chirped in as soon as she walked into the kitchen.

Maria smiled, meeting Natasha's happy eyes.

And yet, she couldn't exactly complain. Life was not perfect, especially not their situation right now, but it was good. She had everything she could need right here; her wife, who had just followed her to the kitchen, and her two beautiful children, who were now listing everything they thought should go into what, from the list they were babbling, was sounding less and less like a cookie.

Maria shook her head with a smile on her face. Life was not perfect, no. But it was really damn good.


	5. Infinity War

I am SO sorry for almost not keeping my deadline, but I DID IT!

HAH! So sorry guys, things have been...bad at home for the past two weeks, but I did it!

It was ridiculously hard to write this chapter cause there's so little time to work around, all happens so fast in this damn film! Sorry if there are any mistakes on timing, etc, buut I did the best I could

Really hope you enjoy it, I loved writing it... also... please don't kill me ^^'' You guys kneeew it was gonna happennnnn!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Natasha closed the locket and put it back it back under her blouse. With a deep sigh, she let her head rest back at the wall behind her.

"Don't worry Nat, we'll be going home soon."

"You said that a month ago, Cap." Natasha said, annoyed.

"The kids are big now, Nat. They can han-" Steve started to say, but the glare Natasha sent him was enough to shut him up.

"I know whom Maria and I raised, Rogers. I know they can handle it, and I know that Clint and Laura don't mind taking them in, but _I_ do. Maria is off doing God knows what with Nick, and I… I need them."

Her answer was silence.

She looked over the front of the quinjet as they neared the drop position.

"I miss them, Steve."Natasha said after a while."I'd gotten used to it… Waking up with the sun shining on my face. Maria's arms around me. The kids making a gigantic mess while trying to make breakfast for us."

"I remember when they did that for me… never had so much maple syrup in my life."

Natasha smiled at that memory. There was still a picture of a very sticky Steve Rogers with Kaelan and Nichole laughing at his side on a portrait in their living room.

Shaking her head, Natasha continued.

"Maria is still working for Fury, with my occasional help, but it isn't often that she actually has to leave for long. I never thought I'd have these consistencies. Never thought I'd like having them either, Steve… But I do. They're my… They're my family."

He reached out and grasped her hand tightly.

"They're mine." She repeated.

"I know Nat… I know it's not the same, but I miss visiting them too. We'll be home soon. You'll see, you'll take those carbon copies of you and Maria and tell them all the PG parts of our adventures." He smiled at her and Natasha felt herself responding.

"Soon."

"Soon."

"And I want Maria's lasagna."

Natasha laughed.

"Help me get to my wife asap, Rogers, and it's a deal."

A slightly more comfortable silence took over quinjet. Until…

"Guys?"

"Sam?" They both called, Natasha already dreading whatever would come out of the man's mouth.

"And Vision and Wanda are being attacked."

"Wait, what?" Cap asked, confused.

Natasha closed her eyes to ask for whatever deity was up there to give her patience. Why did things never go according to plan?

Xxxx

"You're going home?" Natasha asked, heart rate speeding, a smile spreading to her face.

Maria chuckled on the phone.

"Out of everything I told you, that's what you got from it?" Her voice was clearly trying to portray annoyance, but Natasha knew better. So many years of marriage, Natasha knew that her wife was rolling her eyes with a fond smile on her face. She closed her eyes, she really missed that smile.

"What else would I care about? You're safe, Nick's safe. And you're going home."

"I won't be able to stay long this time though…" Her wife felt the need to point out and it was Natasha's turn to roll her eyes.

"Don't care. I'll still get to see you."

"You said going home, not coming home, Nat."

Natasha cursed under her breath at that. Stupid analytical and attention to detail mind – no, never mind. That's one of the things Natasha loved and found most attractive in Maria.

"I know, Masha. But you're going home. I _will_ meet you there."

"Yeah?" Maria asked, voice quiet and Natasha's heart clenched.

Maria had always been tougher when talking about feelings, even if she was usually that little bit more open when it was about Natasha or their kids. Still, to hear her voice so clearly longing made Natasha want to stop everything just to find her wife and give her a hug. It was just like she'd told Steve, although they hadn't completely stopped 'working', both of them had gotten used to a routine that had them almost every day side by side. She couldn't remember the last time they'd spent so much time away from each other in one go.

"Yes." She said assertively.

"I'll see you soon then, babe."

"Soon. I love you, Masha." She said in a playful way after a while.

The low chuckle form the other end of the line send chills down Natasha's spine and she had to close her eyes again. God, she missed that woman.

"I love you too, babe." Came the reply and soon the call disconnected.

Silence.

Natasha breathed for a bit, before turning on her heels.

"Steve! I need for this talk with Ross to be as quick as inhumanly possible! Missus will be back for one day and I am _not_ gonna miss her."

As she approached the pilot chair, Sam jumped out of it. None of the other Avengers dared say a word. In fact, as Natasha took a brief moment to look at their expressions, she saw that they all looked more determined than just a moment before. More focused.

She let her lips form a small smile.

She loved her family. All of her big, weird, ridiculous and caring family.

Xxxx

The quinjet's ramp had not fully lowered when Natasha jumped, not caring to look back as the ship left again, it'd come back tomorrow bright and early, but right now she didn't care. She ran. Ran faster than she ever remembered having ran while not gunning for her life.

The front door of her house opened, and the smile that took over Natasha's face at the sight of her wife putting their children back on the floor as she too started running towards her was large enough that it hurt her face. She didn't care though. Five steps away from the love of her life, Natasha jumped, letting the momentum carry her the last few meters into the welcoming, strong and warm arms of her Masha. Maria spun her around, one hand around her waist and the other cradling her head, as Natasha's face burrowed on her neck and legs wrapped tightly around the taller woman's torso.

"I missed you." Natasha mumbled, eyes closed, breathing in deep the scent that was just Maria, and that she'd been missing so, _so_ much.

"I missed you too, Nat."

They just stood there, basking in each other's presence for a few moments more.

Before long, though, Natasha had to let go of her wife as two shouts of "Momma!" echoed through the house. Smiling, she turned to wrap her arms around the other two most important people in her life. Kaelan and Nicky had both grown so much the past couple of years, it was ridiculous.

Kaelan had been following in Natasha's footsteps, turning more and more into a spontaneous little prankster that she most often helped instead of chastising, much to her wife's chagrin. Mother and son had found a rapport in each other that was soon becoming the source of a lot of jokes around the house and their extended family. Kaelan was rapidly learning how to answer rather cheekily at some things, and Natasha knew she should not be as proud of her 5 year old being able to do that as she was. Maria helped in toning it down, though, so it was probably fine.

Their daughter, on the other hand, was basically a carbon copy of Maria's personality (or as much as she could be at the tender age of 8). She often tried to be more analytic and calm than her little brother, and it always brought a huge smile to Natasha's face when the two ended up side by side, arms crossed and looking at her with a 'very much not amused' expression. Both she and Kaelan cracked at that.

The kids also seemed to have inherited Maria's nerdy side as well, which always made Natasha roll her eyes fondly at the three of them. It was adorable, really, how Maria would sit down between the two and read the Harry Potter books, then Narnia (" _it's a classic, Natasha_ "), and so on. She'd never admit it, but even Natasha had come to enjoy listening to the stories – though it might have had more to do with hearing the soothing tone of Maria's voice than the books themselves.

Along with their passion for reading, their children had also shown a great affinity for athletics, running around and practicing spins and punches and kicks with their mothers (well, as much as normal 5 and 8 year old kids should, anyway). Natasha had never let any of them forget that Nicky had once tackled Maria, and she often challenged her daughter to do it again – a feat that was still eluding her, but she was confident she'd get there one day.

It was perfect. They were perfect. God, she loved all of them

Looking over her kid's hair, she looked at Maria, inviting her wordlessly to participate on the hug. She didn't hesitate, and Natasha just closed her eyes, wanting to burn the moment in her memory forever. Her two children pressed tightly between her and her wife, and Maria's arms around all of them, providing warmth and protection. She didn't need anything else.

Xxxx

It was only later, as they were lying in bed, cuddled together, with their clothes thrown all over the room, that Natasha finally felt herself really relax. There, in the cocoon of her and Maria's bedroom, beneath their covers, skin against skin, still slightly damp from sweat and pleasantly sore from having each other again after so long. Combined with having spent the day playing around with their children, catching up and putting them to bed, it was heaven. At the same time though, it brought the memory of those horrible months without any of this and what they still had to face the next few days. Tightening her arms around Maria, Natasha broke the silence.

"Never four months again, Masha. I can't. Not anymore."

"Where's the tough, focused, hard Black Widow agent?"

"Gone the minute she saw you smile and shine those big bright blue eyes at her." Natasha said, eyes not shying away from Maria's, which suddenly grew very serious.

Natasha didn't know what was it, why there was this desperation in her heart, on her mind. Didn't know if it was something specific, a bad feeling, or just how she'd really came to need Maria by her side these past few years, that were simply about how much she loved her. Hell, maybe it was all of that together – hopefully the bad feeling that something bad might happen wouldn't amount to anything, though.

Maria nodded, seemingly to have realized that the desperation on Natasha's grip and voice was not her being overdramatic. She was serious.

"I'll talk to Nick, babe." She said, the thumb of her right hand caressing Natasha's cheek softly. "After this last part of the mission, which will not be more than one or two weeks, I'll make sure to say I need to be home."

"Promise?" Natasha asked, almost rolling her eyes at herself at how pathetic she sounded, but not being able to shake this horrible feeling on her chest. Maria didn't think it was silly apparently, she brought their foreheads together, looking deep into her eyes.

"Promise." She swore.

They remained in silence for a few minutes before Natasha felt Maria frown. "And you be careful too, Nat… I don't like what's happening with Thanos. I've no doubt you guys will be able to win this, but you've gotta come back, babe."

"Is that an order Commander Hill?" She smiled. The trust and confidence that Maria transmitted through such simple words enough for her to draw strength from.

"It is, agent Hill."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

Natasha closed her eyes at that, letting those familiar words wash over her. Maria had promised. Just one more mission and they could go back to being the ridiculous happy gay couple with the nice house and two adorable kids.

One more mission. One really high staked, hard mission, but just one nonetheless. Just one.

Xxxx

The sun had barely risen in the sky when Natasha looked at the quinjet lowering itself. She tightened her hold on her very sleepy children, both of who had insisted on being there to say bye to her mum. Maria was behind her, long arms wrapped around Natasha and hands on the kid's shoulders as they all waited. Clint and Laura were a few steps behind, waiting with them, since Maria would leave for New York with Nick not soon after Natasha made her way to wherever Rogers thought it'd be a good idea to take Vision to.

The first one out of the ship was Vision, a pleasant smile on his face as he floated to approach them.

"Commander Hill."

"Not a Commander anymore, Vision, you know that. It's just Maria." Maria said, a small smile playing on her lips as she accepted his brief (and still a bit awkward) hug.

"You'll always be the commander of this team, Maria." Vision said, before turning to the kids."Little Hills, how have you been?" Both kids jumped to hug Vision, trusting that he would, as he always did when he visited, float a bit higher, holding each of them in one arm.

Natasha couldn't help the bigger smile that spread on her face as she watched the joy on their little faces that just a few minutes before had been twisted with worry and sadness (and sleepiness, it was quite early).

Steve, Wanda and the others all gave Maria, Laura, Client and the kids (once they were back on the floor) quick, but tight, hugs, before they turned to Natasha and she nodded.

She pulled Kaelan and Nicky a few steps away and kneeled so she could be at eye level with them.

"You take care of each other, yeah?" She said more than asked them. Making sure to meet their eyes as they nodded. "And respect Laura and Client, okay?"

"Yes, momma." Nicky said, and it broke Natasha's heart to see unshed tears in her eyes. It broke her even more to see them already trailing down Kaelan's cheek.

With one hand on one cheek of each, rubbing softly with her thumb, Natasha continued with what she hoped was a comforting and confident tone.

"I was talking to your mum, and we decided that after this, that's it. No more going away. We'll be home."

"Like uncle Clint?" Kaelan gasped, eyes growing big with excitement. Even Nicky's looked hopeful.

"Just like uncle Clint. Mama and I will be around you guys so much, you'll get sick of us." She said, forcing a playful tone through the lump she could feel on her throat.

The two threw themselves at her, hugging her with all their might and Natasha did the same (well, the same within reason, of course).

"Not possible, momma." Nicky's quiet voice made a single tear roll down her cheek and she discreetly wiped it on her hair.

"I can't wait!"

"Me neither, guys. It'll be here before you know it." She said as she drew back, noticing Laura and Client putting one hand on each other her kids' shoulders.

"I love you two. Behave." She said as she got up.

"Love you two, momma." Their voice sounded in unison, and she smiled at that.

A long look passed between her and Clint before he just nodded, giving her a quick hug.

"Just be careful." He answered her thanks as they parted. Laura did the same.

As she made her way back to her wife, she was just stepping back from hugging Steve, the others had all already gone back to the quinjet.

"You better take care of her, Rogers."

"Always, Commander."

"Good." It said a lot that she didn't correct his use of her previous title, and that her posture was as stiff as it had been to instill obedience in senior agents at SHIELD, once upon a time. She meant business. Natasha rolled her eyes at her adorable wife.

"I'll be fine, babe. You focus on taking care of things on your end and yourself, yeah? Please be careful, Masha." She said, taking one step closer to her, brows touching and one hand cupping her cheek as both of Maria's were tight on her hips.

"I will." There was no hesitation there, and Natasha breathed easier.

"Remember your promise? Years ago?"

"I do. And I'm not going anywhere, Nat. You're stuck with me. For the rest of your long, long life."

"Good. I better be."

They were silent for a few seconds, but she could feel everyone itching to get going behind her. She knew she was being selfish. Knew that even having been able to spend the day and night here had already been a lot. She took a deep breath, trying as hard as she could to keep back tears.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." Maria's response was automatic. Voice so full of emotion that Natasha had to stifle a gasp and brace herself not to just throw her arms around her wife and tell the others to leave without her.

Nodding slightly, she pressed a quick, desperate kiss to Maria's lips before spinning on the spot and marching towards the ramp, not daring to look back until the doors of the quinjet were already closing and the ship was beginning to rise.

Maria was holding each of their kids in one arm, both whom were waving at her. All three pair of eyes focused on hers. Natasha looked at Nichole, at Kaelan and then at Maria's as the last bit of the door closed.

She closed her eyes, trying to keep that imagine in her head.

"We'll see them soon, Nat." Steve said by her side.

Natasha just nodded, not trusting her voice. Soon. They had to. Cause she had no idea what she'd do if they didn't.

Xxxx

"Wakanda?" Maria's voice was incredulous.

"Yep." Natasha couldn't help the smile on her face.

"Argh, and I'm stuck in New York." She could hear the eye-roll in her wife's tone and it was hilarious. It made the whole 'it might be the end of the world again' situation kinda better. Well… not better, but it made it suck less. Which was probably her intention on saying it like that.

"I'm friends with the King, you know? I might be able to bring you here for our anniversary next year, what do you think?" Natasha asked, looking through the nearest window. The scenery was beautiful. The threes, the sea, the architecture which was just a perfect mix of old and new. Natasha just knew that Maria would love the natural aspects of the kingdom as much as she would the nerdy ones. She might even return home from the trip with a few gadgets to help her on her missions. Then again, they said they'd retire after this so maybe not that many souvenirs. Still, it'd be fun.

"Yeah?" Maria asked, tone so hopeful and ridiculously adorable, that Natasha had to bite her lips to stop a found laughter from coming out.

"Yeah." She could just see it. Them. Leisure walks following the river. Resting by the shore. Trekking through the woods. Shopping on the Wakanda market. Making love, time and time again, in their completely over the top room. "Definitely."

"I'd like that." Her voice was quiet and, if Natasha dared to think it, dreamy. "I'd really like that."

"Good. So we'll both finish these missions, save the world again, spend the next few months tied to the hip with our two adorable kids, then ship them off for 2 to 4 weeks to Pepper and Tony while we come here enjoy our anniversary. How does that sound?" Natasha asked, eyes closed and a smile playing on her lips.

"Can't wait. For any of it." Maria sighed. "I miss waking up with you in my arms. The kids jumping up and down our bed."

"I miss it too, baby…very much. You've been spoiling me, Masha."

"Didn't hear you complaining before."

"Yeah well, it's gotten worse since we got married."

"Worse or better?"

"Both in a way, I suppose. Matter of perspective."

"Well, you're the one who wanted to put a ring on it." Maria quipped. Natasha could just picture the smirk on the other woman's voice, and she rolled her eyes.

"Dork."

"Normally you're the dork and I'm the nerd one."

"Yeah, well, guess I rubbed off on you."

There was just a long enough pause after Natasha said those words that she knew Maria was about to say something… _different_.

"Actually it's been far too long since you've done that."

Natasha almost chocked. She did not know she'd say _that_.

"C-o-m-m-a-n-d-e-r!"

"Technically it's just Mrs Hill now, as I've been reminding people a lot lately. And my point still stands."

"We saw each other a few hours ago." She shook her head at that, trying to keep her thoughts from rushing towards last night.

"You saying that's not long enough for it to be too long already? And besides, before yester night it'd been far, _far_ too long."

Natasha closed her eyes, the memories of the night she'd spent with her wife coming back at full force. "…"

"Nat?" Maria asked after she went silence for far too long.

"Yep. I changed my mind, it's been way too long already, come over?"

It was Maria's turn to take her time to answer her.

"God, I'd love nothing more." By her tone of voice, Natasha could hear a sort of desperation that she was not used to hearing from her wife.

Her heart clenched at the danger she knew both she and Maria were about to face and prayed, more than she'd ever had in her whole life, for them to come out unscathed. For them to come out alive. She needed to see Maria after this was done. There was no other option, no other outcome she'd accept. As soon as Thanos was dealt with, she'd be back in her wife's arms, and no one would force them apart ever again. Nick and the other Avengers would just have to learn that they were a package deal now. More so than before. A _retired_ package-deal at that. The world would have to be really ending again for them to leave their home (together, never on separate ways again), and even then Natasha would have to consider (that was a lie, of course, Maria and her would never shy away from such grave danger).

"I know." She just whispered.

Just then a knock sounded. She bit back a curse. Taking a deep breath, she answered.

"Yeah?"

"They're ready." Banner's voice came from behind the door and she appreciated him not having opened it. She just realized that her cheeks were wet. She'd started crying without even noticing it.

"Thanks."

Natasha took a shaky breath as the footsteps walked away from the room she was.

"You gotta go?" Maria's voice was quiet and Natasha closed her eyes again.

"…"

"Nat?"

"Yeah…"

"We'll talk soon, babe. I should probably go too, Nick will be getting cranky for staying still too long soon."

"I'll tell him you said that."

"No need, I'll tell him myself, he does get ridiculously cranky."

Natasha just chuckled.

After a while of silence, she gave a wistful sigh.

"You know, I keep remembering our wedding."

"Oh?"

"Can't I remember one of my happiest memories?"

Maria gave a small happy laugh.

"By all means, I was just wondering why you mentioned it now."

"I just can't believe it's been this long." She really couldn't.

With their jobs, their crazy life. Who she was, and who she had been. It seemed like such a ridiculous dream that Maria would even have flirted back with her all those years ago, let alone marry and stay married, have kids and all.

"Hum... I never doubted our feelings and our ability to make it here, Nat, though." She said with such certainty that made Natasha's whole body tingle with a pleasant warmth. "However, I must agree on the long lasting _marriage_ part."

Natasha frowned, but before she could ask what Maria had meant, she continued.

"It's crazy to think about it. I mean, what with so many almost-proposals, leading me on like that and all."

"Oh, shut up!"

They both shared a small snicker and a half pleasant, half tense silence after it.

Natasha took a deep breath, knowing she had to leave.

"I love you so much, Maria. So fucking much."

"After all this time?" She just knew there was a smile on her wife's face.

"Always." Natasha answered, a grin stretching on her face as she heard Maria laughing on the other end of the line.

"And you dare call me a nerd!"

"You made me addicted to those damn books, not my fault!" Natasha said, indignantly.

"Whatever you say, babe."

Natasha bit her lip, trying to find a way to close the conversation, without really wanting to. Trying to find a way to tell her that they'd get many more moments together, but being scared of making the promise. She needed… needed…

"We'll have many more books to get addicted to together, Nat."

It was scary how well Maria could read her silences even when being so far away. How could just always say exactly what Natasha needed, when she needed. Natasha didn't know what the heck she'd done to deserve that woman, but she was more thankful to have her love than she'd ever been for anything else.

"Promise?"

"Promise. I told you. I'm not leaving you, Hill. Ever. You're stuck with me now. Forever."

One more beat of silence and Natasha forced herself to get up, turning towards the door.

"You're stuck with me too. Forever. Never leave me, Masha."

Maria chuckled and asked in a teasing tone.

"Is that an order, Agent Hill?"

"It is, Commander."

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

Xxxx

By the time Natasha realized what had happened, actually realized it, her phone was already halfway to her ear, thumb pressing on speed dial 1.

With the first ring unanswered, came the shaking. A violent one that almost made her drop the phone. The second ring brought her heartbeat to double time. By the third a sense of dread started spreading. The fourth and fifth made the back of Natasha's eyes start to burn with an intensity she'd never know before. The sixth and seventh made her start a mumbling mantra.

 _Please, please, pick up, please don't do this to me, please._

With the eighth and ninth, her knees hit the ground and sobs started to break out.

 _You promised, Masha. Please._

The tenth and voicemail message with the sweet voice of her wife drew out a painful, grutal sound from deep inside her. A despair so raw that Natasha didn't even know she was capable of.

 _No._

She couldn't do that to her. Maria was her rock.

 _Please no._

Maria was her everything. Her soul, her confidante, her lover, her best friend, her wife… _hers_.

"Not her."

This wasn't happening. Not her, it could not be. She had promised. She needed Maria like she needed to breathe.

Redial.

 _Please connect_.

Ever since she had become 'Natasha Romanoff', she'd been there. Since training at SHIELD. Maria had _always_ been there.

Voicemail.

She needed her to function. To live.

Redial. Voicemail.

"No. _NO!_ " She was sure no one could have understood her as a scream that was so raw in its rage and hurt and desperation erupted from deep inside. This could not be happening.

 _Not her. Not HER._

Her fist met the ground repeatedly as her heart tried to comprehend something her mind was already painfully aware of.

And then a silver shine caught her eye.

Her necklace. Probably jostled from its hiding place by her repeatedly punching the earth.

Beat.

Something in her head clicked. Her heart stopped again. She felt dizzy, any breath she had left her body as her unfocused gaze fell on her phone again. With fingers trembling so much she could hardly press 2 on the phone, she brought the device to her ear.

Ring

Ring

Ring – connect.

"Momma?!" Her daughters voice sounded hysterical and Natasha didn't get to even feel relieved at hearing her alive and well.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" She asked, her despair, she was sure, as apparent as her daughter's. It was proof of her having developed good maternal instincts that she could even say anything right then. This need to calm her kid even though her heart had stopped the minute Maria had failed to pick up her phone. She closed her eyes.

"Ma, it's Kaelan, Momma, h-he, he…" She started sobbing and Natasha somehow managed to do a soothing sound.

"Baby, talk to me, what happened to your brother?" She asked, pleading as if that would changed what her broken heart already knew had happened.

 _Please no._

Please not her little boy. Not him as well. Was it not enough to rip out one half of her soul, did they need another piece as well?

 _Please._

"H-He vanished M-Ma. Just..-l-like h-he bec-came d-d-dust…"Her voice was shaking so much it was hard to make out the words, but Natasha understood. Her grip on the phone so hard that she heard it crack. Steve looked at her and she saw the tears and despair in his eyes as he seemed to realize what was happening on her end.

"Baby?" She whispered.

"He's g-gone M-Ma…just g-gone…"

And Natasha crumbled.


	6. Endgame

I'll admit that the film reaaaaaaaaally got me upset and I was very much discouraged to write the next chapter…. Sorry about that! BUT my life has also gotten ridiculously crazy with post graduation, work and shit soo it wasn't juuust cause I was angry at the franchise… But recently I watched the trailer for "Away From Home" and Maria *talks in the trailer*, guys! She has LINES! =D

Soooo I sat my ass and tried to write more haha! Hope you enjoy it =D

Also, hooray for me for posting this BEFORE the new Spider Man comes out… it was hard XD I'm sleepy, but yay!

P.S.: Sorry for the possible tears… but pleaaase comment! :D

P.P.S.: Pleaaaaase don't hate me! If you guys ask nicely I miiight continue!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The ship had barely landed and Natasha was already tripping her way down, arms wide and ready as her daughter threw herself at her. Tears broke out as soon as she felt the slim arms around her body. Pain shot through her side because of her injuries, but she barely felt it.

She didn't care.

As soon as she felt she sweet smell of her daughter's perfume as she cradled Nicky's head closer to her, the shaking started. Natasha could not tell if it came from her or Nicky, but soon the sobs that came out had a very clear point of origin. Natasha had to fight hard not to wallow in despair alongside her daughter.

"Momma, Ka-kaelan, momma…"

Natasha pulled her tighter, tapping into whatever pool of strength she had left to keep control over her emotions.

She could feel the others back on the ramp, giving them time.

"I know, little one." She said, voice trembling. For the first time in decades, Natasha wished she hadn't tried so hard to overcome her Black Widow's training. She wanted to be able to talk to her daughter without falling apart.

"He's just gone, momma. G-Gone." Her daughter kept saying, voice becoming an incomprehensible sound as the sobs become worse.

Natasha closed her eyes tighter, biting her lip so hard it drew blood. She couldn't say anything. There was nothing she could think of… Maria would have known what to say. Oh, she knew her wife would have been heartbroken as well, but she knew Maria would know just the right words.

God, not even 24 hours and she was already a mess without her.

She opened her eyes and looked up to the sky, trying to blink away the tears, taking deep breaths.

Making shushing noises, Natasha crouched to pick up her daughter – not a feat as easy as it once was, especially with her whole body aching from the fight and grief, but the weight still brought her comfort. To have her daughter so close to her, a piece of her and Maria.

She walked up to the front porch, opening the door and picking up a blanket before sitting down on the couch with Nicky on her lap. She felt more than saw the others approaching and closing the door behind her.

"It's gonna be alright, little one."

She let her daughter cry on her shoulder, just repeating the words like a mantra. Her eyes glanced around the room, watching her friends who were still there, standing in her living room with tears in their eyes. They were all silent, staring at nothing, minds far from this place, where they'd met so many times to celebrate or joke around. Natasha's eyes closed once more as she caressed Nicky's hair.

"W-where is Clint?" Steve said after what was probably half an hour. Natasha froze, looking around her, and it clicked. Something really didn't add up. Clint. Where was he? Why was he not here, with her daughter, his goddaughter?

"He left." A broken voice whispered.

Silence.

"What?" Thor asked, taking one step closer, voice barely above a murmur.

"H-he came to see me after…after…" She trailed off, but now she wasn't the only one shaking.

"He did WHAT?!" Natasha asked, using her hands to push Nicky away a bit so she could look her in the eyes.

"He left... aunt Laura and… and Nataniel and Cooper and Lila... they vanished… l-like Kaelan…"

Natasha just kept looking at her, her mind blank.

"Uncle Clint, he looked at me... hugged me... said he was sorry... and left."

Steve was quick to pick up Nicky from her lap one second before she got up, phone on her ear as she stormed through the house towards the backyard.

Voicemail.

Redial

Voicemail.

Redial.

Voicemail.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Natasha screamed as soon as she was far enough. "How DARE you Clint?! My kid just lost her brother and her mother, and you left her?! ALONE?!" She was fuming, walking around blindly, hoping that Nicky couldn't hear her. "You fucking bastard! How could you?! You are her godfather! COME BACK! She needs you! We need you! Clint, for fuck's sake! I need you!" She dropped on her knees, tears back on her eyes as she punched the ground.

"Please Clint…what do I do? I can't do this by myself…"

Strong arms wrapped around her, tightly.

"You're not alone, Nat." Steve's voice sounded soothing in her ears. Broken, but sincere. "You'll never be alone, okay?"

Natasha just nodded, letting her phone drop as she let herself beheld for a second. Steve pulled away to look at her. He hesitated on saying something, and Natasha almost scoffed.

"What is it, Steve?" What else could happen to hurt her, after all.

Steve looked pained. Even more than before.

"Nicky… Nicky's asking where's M-maria..." He finally said, and Natalia wished that she hadn't asked anything.

Her daughter needed her. Needed her to answer that her mother was not coming home. That Natasha had failed. That Maria was never coming home, cause Natasha had been too incompetent to stop that fucking bastard.

Taking a deep breath, Natasha got up and walked back to her house, head held high, hands shaking with the effort of trying to look calm. Trying to look comforting. Trying to look exactly the opposite of what she was feeling. She felt more than heard Steve right behind her, whispering her name, but she couldn't stop. She needed to do this now.

She could do this. She could look her daughter in the eyes and comfort her as she said it. As she told her Maria would not come back.

She walked through the back door and the kitchen. They were still in the living room. Nicky was sitting on the sofa, wrapped around a blanket Maria had gotten especially for her.

She could do this.

Silence.

She could d-

"Momma... where... where's mama?

Natasha closed her eyes, fists tightening. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She tried a second time. Nothing.

Nicky got up, shaky hands touching Natasha's.

"Momma?"

Silence.

She didn't need to say anything anymore. She felt her daughter jerk one step away. Knew she was looking at the others for confirmation.

She knew the second she found it.

The tears fell down once more and the shaking doubled.

Shame.

She'd failed the Universe and her team.

She'd failed her daughter.

She'd failed her son.

She'd failed Maria.

She was no good. To anyone.

It should have been her.

Xxxx

Natasha hugged Nicky tightly as the others got ready to get on the ship.

"You'll bring them back?" Her daughter asked. "Both of them?"

Natasha didn't dare answer. What if they couldn't?

 _They had to…_

But what if…?

"Momma?" Her daughter's voice was desperate with hope.

She felt all of her companions hold themselves back at that. Knew they all wanted to come and hug Nicky with her. All of them, no exception. They'd grown as a family. Despite all the pain and anger that may have happened through the years between them, Maria and her two kids were a point of reference for every Avenger. The superheroes were all rather tied around Nicky and Kaelan's fingers.

"Ma?" Nick asked again, voice once more worried and Natasha broke.

"Yeah…" she whispered, hearing everyone sucking in their breaths. "W-we'll…" she swallowed "We'll do our best, okay? We'll bring them back."

"Promise?"

Natasha closed her eyes, tears forming up.

"Baby, please…"

"Promise, momma!"

Her daughter was crying and Natasha caved.

"I promise."

They had to bring them back. They had to.

Cause Natasha just didn't know what she'd if they didn't.

It should have been her.

Xxxx

Hope.

Hope was a funny thing, wasn't it?

So easy to build. Equally easy to destroy. Very hard to forget.

All very much represented in one phrase. In the swoop of Thor's axe.

In one head rolling on a dirty floor.

Gone.

Poof.

Swish.

Just like Kaelan and just like Maria.

Now she'd have to go back home and take the hope away from Nicky again. She closed her yes.

She wouldn't blame Natasha. She had too much of Maria in her. Of her Masha. She wouldn't blame her. No one would. They didn't have to. Natasha blamed herself enough for it.

She felt Danvers' hand on one shoulder and Steve's on the other. She wanted to shrug them off, but couldn't muster the strength.

It should have been her.

Xxxx

Five years.

Five years go by really fast.

And, at the same time, it went by so painfully slow

Nicky grew up, of course, into an amazing teenager. At the age of 13, she was already so very much like Maria in personality that it was actually quite scary to look at. If she didn't know better, Natasha would have said the two were actually blood related. Even after five years, Natasha wasn't sure if it hurt more or less to see her wife in the movements, the words, and the looks her daughter would throw around. In the pose of a hand. In a raised eyebrow. In a glare…

All of the Avengers had kept in touch in a way. Always showing up for her birthday and special occasions. Tony, Pepper and their little girl in particular made sure to always come by and let the two girls get to know each other. Steve was always around. The most frequent visitor. It seemed he'd taken upon himself to be there for every little thing Natasha and Nicky needed. Natasha appreciated it more than she had words for, and she knew that Maria would have as well.

As for Natasha herself, well... She had no idea how she'd survived those past five years. She didn't really remember how she'd gotten day by day. She just knew that she'd tried her best. She'd been right; Nicky hadn't blamed her. There had been no need, though, as the broken sobs her daughter cried in her arms when the group returned from their failed mission had stayed with her since that day. Every time she kissed her girl to sleep (cause she still did it every night, even with her being a teenager now), she'd hear it as she closed the door. And she'd fall asleep with that sound. With the sound of a ringing phone and no answer.

It should have been her.

Xxxx

Natasha just kept looking at Steve on the other side of the table.

Hope.

As she heard Scott talking and talking about time travel, and all that crazy stuff, the only thing on her mind was 'hope'.

Maria.

Kaelan.

Hope.

It was selfish, but she didn't care. Hope of fixing this sad excuse for a life. Hope of having the love of her life in her arms again. Of having her little boy running around their backyard.

Her whole family together.

"So, who do we talk to about this?" Scott asked.

Natasha was halfway through the room by the time he'd finished asking. She didn't bother to turn back; she knew Steve was gonna take Scott to the ship and tell him to keep his mouth shut.

She had a daughter to wake up and a billionaire to visit.

Xxxx

As soon as Morgan saw Nicky, she ran from Tony's to her daughter's arm.

"Nicky!"

"Morgan, hi!"

"You came to see me!"

Natasha had to laugh at the statement, not a question. that came from the little Stark. That was all Tony.

"I have! Let's continue that game we started last time you came over?" Her daughter asked, voice excited, and Natasha knew it wasn't fake at all, even though she'd asked Nicky to distract Morgan when they arrived. She hadn't questioned anything, and Natasha thanked her lucky stars (if there were any) for that; she did not want to give Nicky hope again if it had no foundation.

The group watched as the two girls excitedly entered the house, hearing Pepper greet them warmly inside.

"That was below the belt. Using your kid. Not fair, 'Tasha." Tony said in lieu of greeting. Eyes never leaving Scott. "You're alive."

Natasha stepped between them.

"We need to talk, Stark. Now."

"Stark? This is serious."

"You've no idea.

…

Every rebuttal from Tony's lips made Natasha's fist tighten with anger.

"That's right, Scott, I won't. Even. Got a kid."

Natasha snapped.

"And weren't you lucky she wasn't born yet five years ago."

Everyone went silence. She knew why. She knew how her voice sounded. Dead silent. Devoid of any apparent emotion, just a deadly fury hiding underneath.

She was done being nice. She didn't care about the slim chances. Didn't care if it was based on a fucking film. She wanted her family back, and he was denying her that chance.

"Yeah. I was. Very lucky, and I don't intend to mess with that."

"So all those that weren't that lucky? Screw them, right? You're still the same damn selfish son of a –"

"Oh, don't act like you're all so different, Natasha!" Tony raised his voice to match hers, both ignoring the warning tone from Steve. "If it was the other way round you'd-"

"I'd what Stark? We'll never know what I'd do, cause I don't have them! I don't! I didn't even get to say goodbye, Tony! All I'm asking is for you to give us a fucking chance to get the people we love back!" She knew she was crying, could feel the tears running down her cheek and she got madder.

"You're asking me to risk the life I have!"

"I'm asking you to get off your ass and fight, goddamn it!"

She said, taking one step forward, hands gripping the lapels of his jacket. Steve and Scott both took a step closer with her.

"Nat, stop."

Steve was trying. Natasha knew he wouldn't succeed.

"Natasha, it's suicide. There is absolutely no guarantee-"

"I'm good with that."

"We'll, I'm not in the mood for dying!"

Natasha heard steps coming on the porch. Part of her knew that both their kids were now watching, and so was Pepper. She didn't care. He needed to agree to this.

She wasn't the only one to notice the new spectators though.

"Think of your daughter, then. What if you die in this?" Tony said, voice low, hands gripping her wrists back just as tightly.

"I'm trying to get her other mother, brother and the fucking _world_ back." she seethed, gritting her teeth so hard it almost hurt.

"You really think Maria wou-"

She didn't hesitate, her fist left the jacket and flew straight to his face at the mention on Maria's name.

"Momma!"

"Dad!"

The two kids shouted, but no one moved, not even Pepper.

"Do not. She'd do anything. She'd have rationalized a plan. And she'd have done it years ago." Natasha whispered, voice broken.

"Yeah… she would have." Tony agreed, fingers lightly touching his nose to check the damage. As she looked back at him, she saw tears in his eyes, but Natasha knew it wasn't from the pain. She'd held back. His nose wasn't even broken.

"I'm sorry, Nat. I really am."

Natasha turned around and left. Not looking at her daughter's slightly confused, slightly hurt eyes. Didn't look at the pity in Pepper's. She just walked, focusing on her breathing. Already planning on how to get to wherever the fuck Bruce was.

As they were all sitting and the quinjet was taking off, Natasha just mumbled.

"Green."

Steve nodded. Scott and Nicky looking confused.

"We need a bigger brain." He explained.

Nicky got it. Scott didn't.

Her daughter rolled her eyes.

"Uncle Bruce."

"Who?"

She stared at him and, at any other moment, Natasha would have laughed at her daughter telling off Ant-man.

"The Hulk… duh." Steve did laugh. Scott just looked ridiculously embarrassed with blushing cheeks.

"Ah…"

Xxxx

"Well, you pulled this off. I remember a time when that seemed pretty impossible too." Natasha said, eyes never leaving Bruce's.

He sighed, shoulders dropping, and Natasha held back her breath.

"He said no, didn't he?" Bruce asked, eyes on the ceiling.

Her fists tightened, and she let Steve answer that.

"Yeah… He did. He has… reasons."

Before Natasha could open her mouth, Steve was already speaking again.

"We might not agree with his decisions, but we can't deny his reasoning behind it, Nat. You know we can't."

She just shook her head, refusing to speak at all in fear of saying something she might regret later. She just looked at Bruce again, who was analyzing his hands.

Silence.

"Bruce… please." She mumbled, and at any other time she'd have flinched at her own tone. At how pathetic and desperate she sounded. She knew all eyes were on her. She didn't care. She'd do anything for a chance at getting all of her family back. Anything.

"Okay."

It was like she could breathe again.

Xxxx

"Momma?"

"Yeah?" Natasha mumbled, eyes fixed on Bruce and Scott as the he gave instructions to the latter.

"This is crazy."

Natasha bit back a laugh.

"Well… most of our plans have always been crazy."

"Momma…"

"Good! Cause if we blow the grid, I don't wanna lose tiny here in the 1950s!" Bruce said, and it snapped Natasha to attention, her eyes widening like her daughter's and everyone else's in the room.

"Excuse me?" Scott panicked, almost backing away from the machine.

"He's kidding!" she was quick to say, taking a step closer to Bruce, knowing her daughter was right behind her. "You can't say things like that!" She angry whispered to him.

"It was a bad joke!"

Natasha shook her head. Glancing at Nicky, who was just now shooting her an incredulous look, she turned back to Banner.

"You were kidding, right?"

"I have no idea. We're talking about time travelling here!"

Natasha felt a tug on her top.

"Momma…"

Natasha just nodded this time.

"Yeah, okay…"

3

Maybe this was a bad idea.

2

But… Maria…

1

Kaelan...

Bruce pressed the button and all of them held their breaths.

A teenager… a teenager was in front of them.

"Guys… who's that?" Nicky asked.

"Ahm…" Bruce said as he stared.

"Is that Scott?!" Natasha asked incredulous.

"Yes!"

Button.

"Oh dear…" Nicky said, hands sort of covering her eyes, but not really. Natasha felt like doing the same.

Old Scott.

"Momma, this is not working." Nicky deadpanned.

Sometimes Natasha hated how similar her daughter was to her and Maria.

"Yes, baby, I can see that."

Another try. A baby.

A fucking baby.

They were doomed.

Bruce waved his hand at her urgently.

"When I say kill the power, kill the power!"

"Oh my god." She mumbled heading towards the generator, ignoring her daughter's disbelief look.

As soon as she hit the switch, they all stopped, holding their breaths.

"Somebody peed my pants..." Scott, an apparently normal Scott, said.

"Oh, thank god." Natasha exhaled, letting herself drop against the wall. She saw her daughter shaking her head and leaving the room right about the time Bruce yelled something about this being time travel.

Maybe her kid and Tony had a point... this was too crazy even for them.

Xxxx

"Feeling more confident?" Natasha asked her daughter, a smile on her voice.

The beam she got in return made her heart lighter. Hope. Hope shone brighter than the damn sun in her Nicky's eyes, and it lit up Natasha from the inside out. Because this had to work. There was no way around it.

"Well, Uncle Tony is in on it now! Nothing against Uncle Bruce, but I mean…"

Natasha laughed; it'd been a long time since she'd seen her daughter this free. This… happy.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Pulling her into a hug, Natasha just sighed happily. "Don't worry, I won't tell him."

"Don't tell either of them… Uncle Tony would get an even bigger head!"

The two shared a laugh at that.

"He really would." Natasha agreed.

Mother and daughter stood quiet for a few moments, both staring at the frame on the opposite wall.

It was the four of them. Maria and Natasha each had a kid on their hips. Smiling like it was the happiest day of their lives. Natasha smiled; she remembered that day. Natasha had just settled home for good and Maria had been 'fired', so it had been the first day of a long period of time where they would just be together. Just the four of them and visits from their odd little family once every so often. They were happy.

The happiest Natasha had ever been.

"We'll get them back, momma."

Natasha started when her daughter spoke. She was so focused on the picture and the memory that she'd had a momentary lapse. She looked at Nicky; the intensity of her gaze made Natasha think of her wife once more.

"Yeah. We will."

Cause she really had no idea what to do if they didn't this time.

Xxxx

"Natasha, someone has to get him. Someone has to stop him." Steve said, voice clear.

She hummed, eyes fixed on the ground outside. Steve sighed.

"Natasha-"

"He left, Steve. He just left her here. Alone."

There was silence. Steve knew there was no possible excuse for Clint having left Nichole alone the way he did. None of them would have done it. None of them should have done it. No matter the circumstance. They were family. _Family_.

"Nat, he… he knew we'd get there so-"

"He did not know that. He didn't. He had no fucking clue if any of us were alive, Steve. So don't bullshit me. He left like it didn't matter. Like he didn't care, so why should I go now then?! Why should I try to save the bastard who left her, who left all of us when we most needed him?!"

She didn't realize she'd started shouting, but she had. By the end of her tirade, she'd turned around and was starting at Steve with tears in her eyes, heart beating fast. The wound was 5 years old, but it still hurt. Everything about that day still hurt deeply. But there was nothing to be done about some things… anger was easier. More liberating.

"Why should I bother, Steve? Just because we have hope? He wouldn't stick around when we needed him, so why would I try and giving him anything?"

She asked and saw hope leaving his eyes.

"Nat-"

"Because it's the right thing to do."

Natasha and Steve both turned around fast towards the door.

"Nicky…"

"Because it's the right thing to do, momma. Yes, he was a coward. Yes, he left. But he's still Hawkeye. He's still Uncle Clint in there somewhere. Even after everything... You got him back once, ma. You can do it again."

"Nicky, what he did… How can I-"

"We're not the only ones hurting, momma." Her daughter came closer, grasping both her hands in her slightly smaller ones. "You still had me left. And I had you. Can you imagine if that hadn't been the case?"

"Nicky!" she admonished her. She didn't wanna think of it. Never. It'd come so close to it.

"Momma." she said, voice steady and serious, the look on her eyes so full of trust, love and determination that it was as if Maria was staring at her, chastising her for being too stubborn. "I know you wouldn't have done the same as him, but momma, I know enough to know that it'd have crossed your mind."

Natasha stopped, staring at her daughter. At the faith she had in her. Natasha wasn't so sure she wouldn't have done the same as Clint… the killing part, not the-

"I'd never have left any of the kids. Never." she said instead.

"I know, momma. I'm not saying to forgive and forget. But he needs to be stopped. If not for himself, ma, then for Aunt Laura and my cousins. When they come back, they deserve better than what Uncle Clint has become." she said, with such an air of certainty and finality that Natasha felt as if she was being sent off on a mission.

A chuckle coming from behind, told her she wasn't the only one.

"It's uncanny, isn't it?" Natasha asked, cupping Nicky's cheek with one hand.

The girl blushed as Steve laughed. Natasha smiled, feeling a bit of laughter coming up as well. She needed that.

"Mommaaaaa!" Her daughter complained, making both adults lose their restraint and really give in to the moment, making it much lighter than it was before.

Cheeks still red, Nicky puffed "I was being serious!"

Still chuckling, Steve approached her, putting one arm around her shoulders.

"We know, squirt. But it was really funny how it brought back many, many memories." There was a nostalgic smile on his face, and Natasha knew the same was on hers, if perhaps a bit more pained.

There was a small silence.

"Do I really act that much like her?" her daughter's voice was quiet. Almost as if she were afraid to bring up Maria's name. Natasha knew it was her fault… She'd always get in a weird mood when Maria was mentioned. Her punching Tony was proof enough of that. She swallowed the lump on her throat and managed as proud a smile as she could.

"Yeah. Especially when you get bossy like that. You look and sound exactly like M-Maria." She said, and both Steve and Nicky's eyes widened at that.

…It hadn't been that long since she'd said her name… had it?

"Yeah?" Nicky asked, shyly.

"Yeah."

"And you'll talk with Uncle Clint?"

"I'll kick his ass." She answered.

"Back here?"

"I'll try."

"Good. I'll take that."

Steve laughed again. "This is ridiculous!"

Mother and daughter laughed at that. Natasha looked at Steve.

"Stay with her?"

He looked her in the eye.

"Always."

Xxxx

"Alright, I'm going…"

It'd be the first time they were apart since coming back with news of Thanos' death. Natasha was really reluctant. And now that they had to say goodbye, she could see Nicky (despite her hard _orders_ ) also hesitating.

"Yeah… kick his ass, momma… then bring him back, yeah?" Her daughter asked, arms still around Natasha's waist.

"Yeah, I'll try." She answered. "To bring him back, I mean. I know I can kick his ass."

"Okay!" Nicky laughed, squeezing her one more time before letting her go. Natasha was a bit slower to do the same.

With one last smile, she turned to head to the quinjet.

"Momma… be careful."

Natasha pause. Closing her eyes, an unbidden smile came to her lips.

"Is that an order, little agent?"

She just knew her daughter was straightening her shoulders.

"It is, agent Hill!"

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

With a smile, and an ease she hadn't felt in years, Natasha boarded the ship.

Xxxx

"You son of a bitch." Natasha said quietly. Silent fury still there, reaching this massive strength that was just ready to explode.

All of her guilt, all of her frustration and anger and hatred and hurt of five years about to come unleashed and she couldn't stop it.

She did not want to stop.

He turned.

"Nat...I'm-"

She didn't let him finish, she attacked.

It was ugly. It was bloody. And both her wife and daughter would be sorely disappointed in her (or them both). By the time it was over, Natasha was hurting in places she did not remember could get hurt. Lying on the floor opposite of Clint, who also looked like he couldn't move at all, she spat some blood.

"Ouch." Clint said after a while.

"Yeah." Natasha mumbled, feeling her ribs hurt at even that. Maybe those five years had made her soft.

"Let's not do this again." he said.

"Don't make me want to do it, then."

She couldn't see it, but Nat knew he was nodding.

Silence.

"I am sorry, Nat."

"That doesn't cut it, Clint…"

A sigh.

"I know."

"But it's a start."

They both smiled at each other. It was a start.

As they both helped each other to the quinjet, Natasha started to laugh.

"What?"

"You do know that as much as this hurts right now, Nicky's waiting for you when we get home, right?"

The fact that Clint went paler than ever before made Natasha feel better than a punch or two possibly could.

Xxxx

"Barton." The clipped voice, the squared shoulders reminded Natasha so much of Maria she had to look away. She saw some of the others do the same.

She saw the hurt appear and disappear from Clint's face, and she knew that he didn't believe he deserved to feel hurt. He was right.

"Nicky."

Everyone held their breath as she approached him.

She was expecting a punch. He was expecting one. Hell, everyone in the room was probably expecting one. Natasha would definitely have punched him. Natasha _had_ punched him.

Repeatedly.

But then again, Maria was there as well; it was not just Natasha.

Nicky just looked him in the eye for close to one minute. One tense minute, before she turned and started walking away.

Natasha was about to let a relieved breath, when it happened.

"I'm so sor-"

The punch was so fast that Natasha would have admitted she was impressed even if that wasn't her daughter right there. As it were... she was _hella_ impressed. And also very proud.

"I don't hate you. But please don't speak to me. Not now."

She turned around before anyone could say anything, walking from the room.

Silence ran for a bit longer, the echo of her steps fading away.

"Clint?" Antman asked.

He made a very pained noise.

"That hurt."

Natasha smiled. Well, she had a lot of Maria in her alright, but she also definitely had some of her in there as well.

Xxxx

As everyone was just standing there, looking at the glass platform, Natasha took one step forward. The chance to see Maria and Kaelan, if just for one second, was more than enough.

"I'll do it."

Before she could take one more though, a hand on her top pulled her back.

Nicky.

Natasha froze.

This had a huge probability of going ridiculously wrong. The chances of her not coming back were real. And she was just gonna go and leave Nicky behind?

What the hell was wrong with her.

None of the avengers said anything as she stared at her daughter's eyes, worry clear there, a sort of desperation that Natasha hadn't seen in years. She was the cause of that. She was the reason her daughter's hand was gripping her shirt with fear. She didn't even have to say anything; the silence and emotion on her face was more than enough.

Maria would not have made this mistake. Would not have so willingly offer herself up when Nicky still needed her.

It should have been her. It'd been a while since she actively thought that, but it was true, wasn't it? Maria would have… Maria...

"I…"

"I'm game. I'll do it." Clint offered himself up, interrupting whatever stupid excuse she'd have come up with.

Natasha looked at him; he just nodded.

Taking one step back again, Nicky wrapped her arms tightly around her torso, and Natasha put her own arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

 _I'm sorry_ , she wanted to say. But no words came out.

As she watched Clint go up the steps, she held her breath.

5

4

3

2

1

Back. He was back.

She ran towards him, and this time Nicky didn't stop her; she was right there with her.

"Hey, hey. Look at me. You okay?" she asked, wanting to ask so many other things, but holding herself back.

"Yeah. It worked, Nat. It worked." he said, eyes meeting hers right on. A light shining fiercely there. A hope so strong, that Natasha's heart started to beat faster.

Her daughter's hand was gripping her arm tightly.

"It worked?"

"We'll get them back, Nat."

"All of them."

"All of them." The answer didn't just come from Clint, but from everyone in the room. Natasha looked around. At her family, determinated faces, a united front with one goal. Saving the ones they loved. Saving the whole universe.

She smiled, tears in her eyes.

"Let's do this."

Xxxx

"You guys look very sad right now."

From her uncomfortable position on top of the table she and Tony decided to have an impromptu nap on, Natasha raised her head to look at her daughter

"Well, thank you."

"You're as tactful as your mama." Tony's voice came from her side, but he didn't move at all.

"And as smart." Nicky said in a voice that brook no argument, making the three adults in the room move to look at her properly.

"Not that I doubt it, but what?" Tony asked.

"Well, genius." the sarcasm in her voice was too much and Natasha had to cough not to laugh.

"Yeah, little Hill?"

"You didn't realize that, if you pick the right year, there are three stones in New York, did you?"

Silence.

Wait… what?

"What?!" Tony jumped off of the table, along with Nat and Bruce.

"Shut the front door!"

Nicky rolled her eyes, a smirk on her lips.

"And you call yourselves superheroes."

That little smirk, that light in her eyes, Nat could see, made the whole room relax.

That was her girl.

Xxxx

They were all there, up in the glass platform already. Except her.

Natasha was standing with Nicky. Her hand gripping hers so tightly, that Nat was sure she must be hurting, but she didn't show. She knew what could happen… she sniffed to get rid of the tears gathering in her eyes.

"Momma?"

Closing her eyes quickly, Natasha opened them and turned to hug her daughter as tightly as she could.

"It'll work out, baby." She said, fiercely. "Mama will be back soon, with your brother, okay?"

"And you, momma. It has to be all of us. We're a team, remember? You said so."

Natasha squeezed her tighter.

Silence.

"Yeah. We're a team."

"You're coming back."

It was an affirmative, not a question, but Natasha would not know the answer even if it was.

She squeezed her tighter.

"Momma?"

"We'll succeed, okay?" She said, pulling back to kiss Nick's cheek, but refusing to meet her eye.

"Momma?"

"You stay here, we'll be back before you know it." She said, caressing her cheek and kissing her forehead before getting up.

Natasha turned her back, tears running down her cheeks now.

"I love you."

She stopped at her place beside Clint and finally turned to meet Nicky's teary eyes.

"I love you too, baby. It will work."

She said loudly.

"It will work." Her daughter repeated, and with a last tight smile, without moving her gaze, they were gone.

Xxxx

A soul for a soul. So this was how it was gonna end… It's wasn't too bad, exchanging her life for those she loved. She couldn't leave Clint to die. As she looked at Clint, she tried to push the image of Nicky's teary eyed face from her mind.

"I guess we do."

"I'm starting to think we're thinking of different people here, Natasha."

A raised eyebrow from her side, a slight foot movement from his, and they were off. It was that day in Japan once more. running, punching, tripping, and somehow, they were both dangling off the damn cliff. Clint holding on to Natasha so she wouldn't fall.

"Come on, Nat! This makes no sense!"

"How doesn't it?!"

"All I've done, Nat! How can I face Laura and my children like this?!" he shouted.

"Don't be a coward, Clint! They will love you regardless! Don't run from your mistakes! You taught me that!" she said, and immediately regretted it.

Natasha closed her eyes, the hand gripping her arm tightening.

"Have I taught you that? Am I really the one running here, Nat?" His voice was quieter now, but it was ringing louder than a shout in her ears.

She shook her head. It should have been her; it would be her. Natasha had screwed up. She did everything wrong. Maria would do it right. Her daughter wouldn't be alone. She had her uncles and aunts. She'd have Maria.

It should have been her.

"What if it doesn't work, Nat? Nicky will need you!"

"If this doesn't work, we'll be as good as dead anyway!"

"No, we won't! You told me not to leave her, you don't get to go ahead and do it well, Nat!"

"I've been surviving, Clint. Not living. I can't carry on without her, Clint. I can't!" she cried out. "If this doesn't work, if I can't bring them back … I don't know how I didn't the first time! I'll lose it, Clint!"

"No you won't! Nicky knows you won't, I know you won't… You're stronger than me, Nat. You're stronger than all of us… You could have lifted that damn hammer if you'd tried!"

She shook her head at that, tears running freely on her face. Maria had told her that once. She still didn't believe it.

"And what if we do it, Nat?! What if they come back? How do I look Maria in the eye, and tell her I let you jump to your death?!"

She closed her eyes. She couldn't imagine Maria's face in pain. No.

"How do I tell Laura?!"

"You have a daughter that's ALIVE, Nat! ALIVE!" He screamed and Natasha's heart clenched. "If our positions were reversed, would you let me jump?!"

"Bu-"

"No! Nicky needs you, Nat… Maria and Kaelan will need you too… They already lost their parents once, Nat…"

Natasha laughed out of despair. She couldn't do it… It should have been her, but to cause this much pain to Nicky… to Maria, to Kaelan. She couldn't. Damn Barton, for making her think.

"Fuck you, Barton…"

 _Nicky, I'm so sorry for what I almost did… Maria, Kaelan…_

"If Laura kills me for this, I'm punching you in the afterlife!" Natasha screamed, hand tightening on his arm as she prepared to climb back.

Clint laughed, a teary and desperate sound.

"Yeah, you do that."

Looking in his eyes again, Natasha put a foot on the hill, to get impulse.

"Come on, Nat."

"Love you, brother."

"I love you too, sis."

Push.

Stone crumbled.

Loose hand.

Fall.

Natasha only realized what was happening because of the horror in Clint's eyes. She didn't hear his scream. Didn't feel the wind on her back.

Nicky…

Kaelan…

Maria…

I'm sorry.

Xxxx

 _The sound of Nicky's scream would forever stay with all of the Avengers, of that they were very much sure. The punches she threw on Clint's chest were nothing, nothing compared to the hole he felt inside. They were nothing compared to the complete and utter destruction they saw in her eyes._

 _As they gathered around to snap the damn fingers, she wouldn't leave Steve's side. Glued to him as if he was the only thing keeping her up. And he probably was. Tears in everyone's eyes._

 _Birds. Plants._

 _It worked._

 _And then it was a mess and they were fighting Thanos again._

" _Where is Nicky!?" Clint shouted into his comms._

" _She's safe! Tony, get her away from here! To a quinjet to her house, go!" Steve screamed back._

" _Laura will be there, tell her to go!" Clint shouted back._

" _Will do!"_

 _He was gonna save her. He had to._

 _As portals started appearing left and right, and a gigantic Hellicarrier showed up, Clint felt a huge wave of relief, but also an even bigger weight on his shoulders._

 _Maria._

 _Fuck._

Xxxx

As she observed the field beneath her, barking orders left and right, Maria zeroed in on the little group of superheroes at the front.

No redheads.

Well, her sight wasn't that good. It was quite far away.

She ordered people to stand at the ready and prepare to engage, making sure all hands were at the proper stations, before tapping in her comms.

"Nat?"

She asked, trying to keep her voice from showing her longing to hear her wife.

Silence.

Her hand started to shake. She closed them into fists, crossing her arms.

"Steve! Clint! Where's Nat?"

They were silent, and Maria stopped all movement.

"Clint?"

Silence.

"BARTON! ROGERS!"

No answer.

"Stark? Thor? Bruce?"

No one answered her.

That in itself was all the answer she needed. The one answer she didn't ever want to have.

"Maria... I-" Steve started, but she interrupted him.

"Don't." Her voice was numb. Devoid of any emotion. She kept looking ahead, at the war waging under her, but it meant nothing anymore.

Natasha... Nat was...

She closed her eyes, a ringing sounding in her ear so loud that it made everything else fade away.

She started to feel dizzy, a sense of out of body experience taking over her. Why shouldn't she leave? Why shouldn't she go and, hopefully, meet Natasha in whatever it was that came after this? What was the point in coming back if her wife, the one who has made sure she was happier than she'd ever been, was gone? What was the point?

There was none.

She felt her knees buckle. Her body and mind were screaming at her to just give up. Her heart was broken and bleeding and just begging to see Natasha again.

She let go.

But before she could actually fall, before she could reach the ground and just let it all just go away, two arms grabbed her around the waist.

She tried to fight it, eyes still closed but the ringing started to lower in volume. She suddenly became aware of far too many voices in her ear screaming her name, pleading for her to respond, to talk.

She didn't wanna talk.

"Maria."

Coulson. The arms around her, a voice not in her ear but by her side.

She gasped.

"Maria, Nicky and Kaelan are at home, waiting for you to go back after this." His voice was fast and quiet, but starting to make sense. "The Avengers need you right now. The Universe needs you present. We need you to be strong just a little longer."

Her kids. They were both alive. She had to make sure they remained that way. But...Nat...

 _Nat..._

She opened her eyes to look at her best friend, the tears that somehow gathered there making it harder to see. By how close they were, though, she could see his eyes were red, and his whole expression was that of pain.

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

She tried again.

"Nat…" she said. Or tried to, she wasn't sure that the sounds she managed to produce could count as a word.

The voices in her ear went quiet.

"I know." Phil said, voice low. After a beat he continued "Nicky and Kaelan, Maria. They're waiting for you."

Maria closed her eyes and shook her head. She had seen out of the corner of her eyes everyone in the Hellicarrier looking at them. She must have been louder than she thought. She could feel their sympathy. She didn't want their sympathy. She wanted her wife.

"They are waiting for their mums. Together." Maria rasped out. Her voice hollower than ever before.

"You're not alone, Maria."

Everyone in their comms repeated the sentiment, Nick's voice resounding louder than everyone else's.

"For Nicky and Kaelan, Hill."

She opened her eyes and looked around. Everyone was waiting for her. Waiting for her orders, for her to get herself together as a war waged on down on Earth.

 _'Come_ _on_ , _commander'_ she heard her wife's voice, saw her face. _'Kick_ _them_ _to_ _hell_ _and_ _back'_

She squared her shoulders and put her hands behind her back, taking one step away from Phil with a nod. Her body was still shaking, her heart still broken. But there'd be a time for this. A time to grieve. Now she had to make sure there'd be a tomorrow for her kids. Her friends. Her family.

"For Nicky and Kaelan. For... Natasha." she whispered, and Phil nodded at her.

She looked at the room at large. She took a deep, shaky, breath.

"To your stations, agents. Rain it down on them. Protect our people. Now!" she barked the orders, and everyone turned around, fire in their eyes. She let muscle memory take over her, let the years and years of command take control in this hour of need.

She'd break down later.

Xxxx

Steve looked at the stones, and looked at what he could have.

He could give them all back, go back to the 70s and stay there... he could just live the rest of his life with Peggy. But then, he stopped. He remembered. He remembered Maria's face as she saw Natasha walking down the aisle. He remembered Maria's kind smile when she put the lasagna on the table. He remembered Kaelan and Nicky running around the backyard, laughing and shouting and just being kids. All the Avengers together on that house, just being friends. Being a family.

He remembered Natasha's expression of pure and unaltered joy after so much pain and suffering. He remembered the joy of the two kids at having two mothers that loved them. The pain they went through when they lost their biological parents. He remembered all of it. He could see it as clearly as the mountain in front of him.

And he couldn't do that. He couldn't alter the future.

He knew what he had to do.

Xxxx

"A soul for a soul."

Hollow eyes stared back at him.

The skeletal face nodded, ever so slightly

"A soul for a soul."

Xxxx


	7. Away From Home

Maria looked intensely at the screen in front of her. Sand as far as her eyes could see.

Sigh. Again.

"Will you stop that?" said an annoyed voice at her side, exasperated, and she had to stop herself from laughing.

"You made me leave my bed, the nice pleasant weather from my quarters, to this… you can take my sighs." She looked at him, his one apparent eyebrow raised. "What?"

"What happened to 'sir'?"

"You took me from my kids, you don't deserve a 'sir'… Nick."

His eyebrow rose higher, her deadpan expression mirrored on his face.

"You're also taking me away from my wife for longer than I care to be, be glad she let us both walk out of that room, Nick-y." She winked at the nickname, allowing the huge grin to spread on her face at both his outraged expression and the thought of her wife.

Her wife. Alive. Back waiting for her with their kids.

*Buzz Buzz*

Her phone beeping made her glance and check the new picture that the woman in question had just sent her. In the photo, the three most important people in her life were staring at her, pouts on all of their faces with a caption of "miss you already" and a sad emoji under it.

They had all become such saps after being reunited.

Not that she was complaining. Her smile grew bigger, and she was thankful no agents were around to see it – her reputation could not last that.

"Oh, for god's sake, tell them to stop that. It's not like we're at any risk, and this won't even take that long, okay?" He rolled his eye as she showed him the picture. It was her turn to raise an eyebrow.

He looked back at her. At the picture. At her.

She waited.

"Fine, take a selfie and say we miss them too." His voice was grumpy, and Maria laughed.

Giant saps, all of them.

"Shut up!"

"Yes, _sir_." She said, snapping the picture at the exact time that allowed her to capture a very small smile at the corner of his lips, sending it to her family with a "we'll see you soon". As she turned it off and looked at the fast approaching city, she allowed herself to smile, closing her eyes.

Her family. Her wife and two kids were here.

Natasha…

xxxx-xxxx

As she walked into the 'meeting room' a few days later, she was already shaking her head, brow furrowed and back tense. With the click of the door she turned around, staring straight into Nick's eye, all her years of experience and command into that single look.

"You will not call her. Natasha will take no part in this."

He just looked at her, and Maria felt a tension in the room that she hadn't felt between them since she'd joined SHIELD and had just led the first mission with Fury as her handler, but this was non-negotiable. Her wife would not take any part in this. She had retired, after everything that she'd been through - the red room, living 5 years without half her family, _dying_ \- no, Natasha would have no part of this.

"You're gonna lie to her?" Was the only thing he asked, face just as blank as hers.

"No." Was her immediate answer "But I refuse to leave the kids alone. She is not going in."

He nodded.

"I wasn't gonna send her in, Hill." He said after a while, in a low voice. She remained tense. She loved Nick, she really did. He was more of a father to both him and Natasha than anyone ever was. And quite the grandfather to the kids (something of which he was very proud of thinking no one knew he was proud of), but she loved her family even more. She would not place her wife in the line of fire ever again. Heck, she was apprehensive from putting herself in such state for what it might do to Natasha.

"I wasn't. I promise. Not unless it was a last resort." He said, hands up in a placating gesture, looking pointedly at her hands.

She realized she'd turned them into tight fits and immediately opened them, forcing her shoulders to easy a bit.

"And just 'cause she wouldn't stay still if it came to that, and you know it." He continued.

She forced herself to take a deep breath. Closing her eyes, willing those horrible images and the feeling of losing her to go away.

"I know… Sorry, Nick, I-"

"It's fine Maria." He walked closer, placing one hand on her shoulder. He'd been there. On the ship, the day she found out Natasha had died. He'd been there the following days until Cap had come back, giving her the greatest gift of all.

Xxxx Flashback xxxx

"Hey, Cap! All done with fixing the time-line?… oh… fuck…" Clint's voice broke and it made Maria frown. What could have possibly made him curse in front of his kids and Cap?

"Careful, Clint. The Capt doesn't like this kind of talk." She said, teasing him weakly, without turning around.

No answer.

"Clint?"

She asked, finally moving to see what had made him so shocked. There he was, standing frozen, hunched over the table as if that was the only thing holding him standing. Her frown intensified as she followed his gaze, trying to determine what he was seeing that it made him react so violently.

And then her eyes found it.

Found her.

And her mind went numb.

She couldn't breathe.

Tears were already gathering in her eyes before she could even fully comprehend what she was seeing.

Red hair.

Pale skin.

Green eyes.

The greenest eyes she had ever seen, alight with life, wet with unshed tears, just as hers were.

Maria couldn't breathe; her legs felt like lead, but it didn't matter. She had no idea what was that made her move, but she did. Faster than she ever had before, she was running. And so was her wife… so was

"Natasha." She managed to breathe out once. Twice, three times, like a mantra, before she was close enough. It was going to hurt, but she didn't care.

"Masha!" Her wife shouted as she finally, _finally_ got within arms range and Maria, scared shitless it might be a hallucination, hugged her around the waist, tightly.

Solid.

Real.

And if nothing else had, the fast beating heart she could feel pounding close to hers, was the uncontestable proof of her being very much alive.

Alive.

She had no idea who started shaking and crying first; she just knew that Natasha's hands were around her neck and shoulders, tightly gripping her hair, her legs wrapped around her waist as Maria's own arms hugged the smaller woman's waist, hands sprawled across her back, touching as much of her as she could.

"Nat. Natasha" She breathed out as sobs took over her. "You, what; how-" but her wife didn't let her finish. Amidst tears, sobs, and more shaking than Maria ever remembered feeling, Natasha's lips found hers. It was nothing like any kiss they had ever shared before. It was pure desperation. It was messier than she could ever remember it being. It was Natasha again in her arms.

It was perfect.

It was home.

xxxx-xxxx

She shook her head, looking at Nick again.

"Who then? Or is it just… you know… or are we…?" She asked as he moved around, opening a computer.

"Natasha would kill me if I let you anywhere too close to the fight." He rolled his eye at that. "And I don't think for a second that living at home has made her any less deadly or fit and I like being alive again too much to risk it." He shook his head, and Maria allowed herself to smile.

"It really hasn't."

He stared at her for a moment. Her smile became a smirk.

"Oh, spare me."

She laughed, finally fully relaxing.

"Who then?"

He turned the laptop towards her.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

Xxxx

"You've got to be kidding me."

Maria just shook her head as she looked at her wife's face.

"Parker?"

She nodded.

"He's like, 16!"

"Yep."

"No other choice?"

Maria looked away at that.

"Masha…"

"No." Maria looked back at the shorter woman: her green eyes were focused, shoulders straight - Agent Natasha Hill was looking at her. "Parker is not alone, Natasha."

"He's not experienced. The kid's suffered enough."

Her hands closed into a fist. She couldn't even exactly disagree with Natasha; she had just made the exact same points to Nick.

"I know."

"He's almost Nicky's age."

"I _know_ , Nat."

Silence.

"He's not gonna be alone. And it is his choice, in the end."

"Maria, please tell me you're not gonna-"

She was already shaking her head, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I'll be accompanying the situation, mostly. He said he was quite sure that you hadn't lost your edge, and he wasn't willing to risk it."

Natasha laughed at that, a smug smirk on her lips, and she got more comfortable in her seat.

"Good."

They shared another moment in silence. Their kids were asleep on their beds, on the opposite side of the room, having exhausted themselves after a whole day of running around and playing about. Running… Playing… Nicky was almost Parker's age.

"There's this new guy. He's gonna lead the mission on the field. Parker will be a backup sort of thing."

Natasha nodded, frowning a bit.

"New guy? Is he trustworthy?"

Maria shrugged.

"Too soon to tell, I suppose, but he has been helping."

"Good." She looked at their kids for a moment, before facing her again. "Parker's gotta come out of this alive, or Fury will find out exactly how I have not been sitting idly by."

Maria smirked.

"Don't worry, babe. He knows."

Xxxx

"Nick…" Maria sighed as they watched Peter walk away, but he was already opening new tabs on his laptop, most likely booking a ridiculously expensive hotel that would change the whole vacation trip the poor kid was expecting.

"We need him, Maria."

She shook her head, but didn't speak up. She watched as he moved things around, twisting words and people to make sure everything would go down smoothly. Her heart warmed at the fact that not once did Nick asked her to help, knowing she did not agree with it. Once he was finished, they both gave out the orders needed to put it in motion, until all that was left was a closed laptop between them.

He got up and walked towards her, stopping right in front of Maria, looking her right into her eyes.

"I don't want to ruin his life, Maria. But Tony saw something in him." He paused for a moment before continuing, " _I_ see something in him."

Maria nodded slightly. She did too. That kid had the heart in the right place and the drive and powers to do something with it.

"I do too, Nick." Hell, she helped train and prepare some of the new agents quite a few times; she knew how to recognize talent. "He's… Nicky's almost his age, Nick. I-We can't…"

"He won't be alone Maria. I promise you that. But he has a gift, and he wants to use it."

"He doesn't, right now. It should be his decision to take."

"We don't have that kind of time. He needs a push."

They stayed in silence for a while before Maria sighed. She was definitely no stranger to hard decisions.

"Tell me at least you got them a nice place?"

He smiled before starting to walk away.

"What do you take me for, Hill?"

"You don't want me to answer that." He barely reacted at that, though she knew he was rolling his eye.

She paused.

"Did… 'we' get a nice place?"

…

"Nick!"

His laughter echoed down the damn walls.

Xxxx

"He walked away." She said, after a while.

Natasha sighed.

"Are you okay?"

"I wasn't the one running around Italy fighting for my life…" Maria said, knowing she sounded quite bitter about the fact.

Natasha was silent for a while before asking in a quiet voice.

"Did you want to be?"

Maria looked away towards the window, not knowing if she wanted to answer. Not knowing if she _knew_ how to answer.

"I… don't know, Nat…" She whispered after a while. Shaking her head, she continued, "I really don't know. Part of me wanted to. I always loved being in the action, having control. I hate the fact that Nick all but forbade me from taking part in it even though I knew I could help. I hated the thought of leaving it up to Parker alone. But…"

She stopped herself.

"But?" Natasha prompted.

"But… I hate the thought of risking losing all of you more."

"Masha…"

Maria took a deep breath, looking away from Natasha as she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

"I can't leave them, Nat. I can't make them, I can't make _you_ go through this again."

They were silent. For a long time.

A tear ran down her cheek.

"Masha…"

She closed her eyes.

"Masha, look at me."

Taking a deep breath, Maria turned to look at her wife once more. Green eyes bright with unshed tears too.

"I don't want you to take part in these things. I don't. The thought that I might lose you again is… I can't bear it. Can't. Doesn't even enter my mind." She shuddered, one tear falling down her cheek. "But, and this is very important, Masha, if you feel it's necessary. If you feel like you can, and have to, help Parker… then do it. It's whom I fell in love with, Masha. The hardass, awesome, best agent there was, Commander Hill. You're an amazing professional, Masha. You are good at what you do. And barring a mythical accident, I know, I _know_ you'll always come back to me. To us. To our family."

Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now.

"I love you."

Natasha smiled.

"I love you too."

"Thank you…"

Natasha laughed a bit as she playfully shoved her wife away.

"Always, my love. Come back soon?"

"Is that an order?"

The words came out of her mouth without any thought, but as soon as she said them, she smiled, mirroring the expression that on Natasha's face.

"It is, Commander Hill."

"Aye, aye, Agent Hill."

Xxxx

Maria had just finished the check-up around the ship that would take her to Earth and into the latest bat-shit crazy situation an Avenger had somehow managed to get himself into, when Fury's voice sounded on the speakers.

"Commander Hill, stand down."

She sighed.

"We've talked about this Nick, I'm going to help Parker."

"There's no need."

Maria froze.

"What?" She hissed, and didn't calm at all when Nick laughed.

"The boy came through, Maria. He did it."

A breath Maria did not know she was holding came out in one go. Suddenly, she was almost gasping.

"God damn it, Nick!" She said, quickly climbing out of the ship and seeing the smug-ass face of her 'boss' down the ramp.

"Lead with that next time, you bastard. What do you mean, 'did it'?" She asked, storming towards him.

"Do I command no respect around here anymore?" He asked, indignant.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Anyway, he did it. Discovered the real culprit was, uh, whatshisface, thought we had turned our backs on him, came through at the end, won the battle and the girl, yada, yada, very much like Stark."

It had been a very long time since Maria had been this lost.

"I... He… Real…Girl?"

Yeah, okay, so she wasn't being the most coherent ever, but that was no reason for Fury to outright laugh at her. For heaven's sake, she'd just had had a very tough conversation with her wife about going to Earth to save Peter and he… he'd done it. He saved Earth.

Maria smiled.

"Okay, your smile is starting to creep me out now, so just go back to your wife. In the 30 minutes you took to pack your bags she already came to my office twice, threatening me to quite a few things I dare not repeat in polite company. You daughter also came by once… Let me tell you, I dunno whom I most fear retaliation from. Nicky is ridiculously like you."

She laughed at his sarcastic tone (not that she doubted that Natasha had really been to see Nick those two times and she had been told that Nicky had taken quite a few of her commanding habits for some reason – something she was really proud of) but became slightly more serious as he looked back at her. His one eye soft and focused on her.

"Still… I'm proud of you, Hill. Despite what ended up happening, well… It's just another proof I chose my deputy right."

Maybe she was getting old. There was no other explanation for the chocked up feeling she was experiencing right then.

Just as Fury was about to leave the hangar, she found her voice again.

"You going soft on me, sir?"

He stopped.

"I probably just had too many martinis." He quipped without turning back, and Maria smiled fondly at him.

"And lose the 'sir', Maria. We're on vacation." He said over his shoulder, the hint of a smile in what she could see of his lips.

"Sure, Nick." She answered quietly, turning around to get her things back.

"And go pull your redhead off me! She really hasn't taken it easy…"

Maria chuckled; she had no doubt of that.

She looked at the doors and then back at the plane, a smile coming up her lips. Maybe a bit of fun with her family would be good. As her wife and kids often told her: she was a hopeless nerd.

Xxxx

"Momma! Are you coming home?"

Maria laughed.

"Hello to you too, K!"

She knew their son had learn how to look sheepish by looking at Natasha. Sometimes it seemed impossible that those two were not related, just as she knew how much Nicky looked like her sometimes. Though she wouldn't admit, Maria treasured that more than anything; that her daughter would feel so attached to her, feel so connected, that she'd still kept those habits even though they had a 5-year long gap in their relationship. Sometimes, she'd just look at her while Nicky was focusing on something or being a bit bossy with K, and she just saw herself in there. Natasha always came up to her on those moments, hugging her tight and thanking her for… everything. As if she was the one who needed to be thanked for anything.

"Hi, momma!" He said, finally.

"Hello, mum!" Nicky was right behind her brother, a smile big on her face.

"Hello, guys."

"So… Are you coming home?" His son asked, smiling despite trying very hard to look like he wasn't.

Maria chuckled.

"I just left, K. How can I already be coming home?"

"But I miss you already!" He son shouted, and even her daughter seemed like she was about to do the same. Maria had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling.

"We do indeed." Natasha's voice came up from somewhere in the room before her face showed up on screen. "A few days should be enough? A few hours?" She asked, and Maria could see the longing, but also pride shining in her eyes.

"Yep."

"Precision, Masha…"

"Nat, I need to assess the situation."

"Commander!"

Sigh.

What does a mother and a wife have to do to play a prank on her family, nowadays?

"Give me 3 days. Tops."

"And you'll be here?" K asked.

"Or on your way?" Nicky completed, and Maria stopped. Looking from one face to the other.

"What is this, am I reporting for duty?" She laughed.

"Yep!" The three said in unison.

"You need to be here in three days, soldier!" Nicky said in a mocking stern voice that really did sound like hers.

"No leeway" K quipped, and Maria was impressed he knew that word… probably Coulson.

She looked at Natasha.

"You heard the directors, Commander Hill. Three days tops."

God, she loved her family.

Shaking her head, she said the only thing she could say.

"Aye, aye."

Xxxx

As she closed the messaging system and made sure the whole ship was powered down, she started to make her way towards the section of the ship she was sharing with the kids during this impromptu vacation Nick had taken them on. When he'd first mentioned it to her, it had been crazy. As much as she had wanted to spend uninterrupted time with her family, she dared not to leave Earth unattended (especially now that they'd lost Tony, and that Thor had gone God knows where). But three sets of pouty lips, and three pairs of arms hugging her ridiculously tight made her resolve crumble faster than a house of cards.

She had barely paid any attention to Nick's plan to take care of Earth – which had obviously been a mistake. Those two shape-shifter were laughable and ridiculous! How could they not see Mysterio for the farce he was! Granted, she and Nick hadn't either, but they were thousands of miles away from the actual person! All they had to go on was some videos and reports!

She shook her head; those two buffoons were problems for another day. She could always drag up the old disciplinary training she imposed on badly behaving recruits. That should be fun.

She sighed.

Thank god for Peter Parker.

She sighed again, closing her eyes. They had two of the great heroes of the war against Thanos right here. Right here, doing… doing nothing. Maybe she was right; they were being selfish.

As she walked down the end of the corridor leading to their quarters, she paused by the door. She could hear, even through thick metal, raised, excited voices. They were likely playing with something.

Adjusting the strap of her duffle on her shoulder, she opened the door, and could now actually hear what they were saying.

"Momma's favourite is chocolate, isn't it?"

"Yep, little one! She'll come back soon, so we need to get this done!"

"Yeah, K! Come on, let me help you."

Maria smiled as she let those voices fill her whole. It was so heartwarming to hear how kind Nicky had been to her brother since they'd come back. And to herself as well. She was much more affectionate with all of them, with Natasha as well. Maria had theories about placating guilt and all, but it didn't matter. They were all alive and together.

And maybe they were being selfish, yeah. But she would not risk this. She would not risk them unless absolutely necessary. They had done their part, both of them. It was time for them to enjoy it – to enjoy everything they fought for.

The grin came to her face easily as she took a few steps forward, bracing herself for the dramatic shouts of her fooling them and 'what happened to earth' and 'that was fast', and just because she couldn't resist, nerd that she was, she said in a unnecessarily loud voice, watching all three of them jump:

"Honey, I'm home!"

XXXX

I AM ALIVE PEOPLE!

I'm SO sorry for how long this took! I swear I wanted to have this posted last year, BUT just when I had finished writing it ALL a cousin pointed out that I had NOT seen both of the post credits scenes… So after being shocked for like three weeks I had to REWRITE a bunch of parts! …Almost all really… But I DID have some scenes I loved aaaand I did want to somehow follow the film's plot SO! If it got confused:

Nick, Maria, Nat, K and Nicky are ALL in the ship having a loooong well deserved vacation together! Nick and Maria gather around a nice computer set up to check out what's going on with their 'copies' on Earth and give some orders and advice, but not all the time (they are on vacation after all). So every single scene it's them on the ship, watching the mess their counterparts are making, kay? =D So sorry if it was confusing, buuut I kinda liked writing this bit and hope you like reading it too!

Also, thank you SO very much for ALL the reviews and kind words… you have no idea how much it's helped me… Work and life has been crazy, but I'm back to writing now, feel like I'm myself again and you guys definitely helped so thanks! =D

I'll try to answer individually later, but until then:

Thank you veeeeeeeeeeeeeery much aaaand see you soon! ^^

P.S.: As ALWAYS, thank yoooou brotherrr for beta-reading it for me! You're awesome!


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